I’ve got a lot of major changes coming at me all at once. I’m starting to look for a new place, hoping to move out on April 30. And I had a fantastic new business meeting last week that could bring me a lot of new work.
This is good stuff. I put together my first PowerPoint presentation on how companies can use Facebook and Twitter, and I killed with it. I’ve been asked to put together a proposal for next week, where I would do monthly social media trainings for this company’s clients – and be available to do social media implementation work for their clients.
This is fabulous, but I’m mostly just interested in the monthly trainings. Even if a small % of their clients decide I was so impressive during a training that they want me to handle their Facebook/Twitter/Linkedin pages – say, 10 out of 138 – that’d still be a lot of new work all at one. Too much? And too much of the same kind of client – nonprofits – when I’d also like some fun, pop-culturey, commercial ones.
I’m all for replacing the remaining bit of work I’m letting go from my main nonprofit client when I stop working with them in May – but I might want to be more selective with who I replace them with. Let self-belief drive a little while and give fear a rest.
The good news is all these changes are temporary. In May, I’ll have a more stable roster of clients, and I’ll be living and working in my apartment by then. But for the time being, I’m just in major flux – with two twin-biggies: housing and working. Even though I know it’s temporary, I’ve still gotta hang on for dear life right now.
When my new dog friend Shasa showed me how her dog gives her paw on command – and even gives both of them when she says Want a manicure?, I knew I had to get busy. This Sit and Stay stuff was kid stuff. Yes, I’m thrilled Petey is finally housetrained, but I want him to impress my friends with tricks!
So, I taught him some. Getting him to give me the first paw on command was hard work. I just kept picking up his paw while I said Gimme your paw! – over and over and over again. I’d do this at the end of our walk, when he was used to just getting a treat and going inside. I think I really confused him and made him weary. He was like What is this !? and would start to lose his balance sometimes. But finally – he just knew to pick it up when I said it. Yay !!! This took about two days of these 10-minute training sessions 4-5 x a day.
Once he got it, I was reluctant to start teaching him Gimme the OTHER paw!, because I didn’t want to mess with his head. Sure enough, when we started on that, he was, like Whaddya mean, Gomer – I AM giving you my freakin paw, now shut up and gimme the treat, A-hole !! But I just kept at it, the same process where I picked up his right paw while saying Gimme the OTHER paw! This time, it only took 20 minutes for him to get it! Yay !!!
Now, I make him do it for a treat every time. It’s so cute – especially the way he gives me the 2nd paw. The first one, he just gives me straight forward. But the 2nd one, maybe it’s a balance thing as he simultaneously puts down the first one while picking up the other, but he sort of “winds up” and gives me his other paw in a roundabout arc, as if he were throwing a pitch. I totes love it, it’s the cutest.
I kinda love ’em, kinda hate ’em – I’m speaking of a certain type of Israeli friend – The Pusher. I like these women – two dog friends from the neighborhood, Tali and Fanny – but sometimes when I see them coming, I’m like Ugh!
Why? Because they always speak to me in Hebrew. They know I’m an Anglo and struggling with my Hebrew, and that’s precisely why they do it. It’s totes done out of a desire to help me succeed.
But I just kinda hate it. Look, my attitude is – I’m doing fine w/ my Hebrew. I’m only here one year. I worked hard in language school my first six months to get a base in Hebrew, and even though I’ve forgotten quite a bit of it, it is just under the surface and will quickly come back (I think) when I continue w/ Hebrew night school later this spring. I’m surprising myself by being able to speak whole sentences to people sometimes. I’m at a level where I prefer that you let me speak “Hebrish” to you, and you answer me in English.
But when Tali and Fanny speak to me full-on in Hebrew, the perfectionist in me just hates that I have to struggle like an idiot speaking with them for a few sentences in Hebrew before totes lapsing into English. It’s really that “giving up” part that I hate; I hate failing. So, I feel like – Ugh! Why are you bothering!? We both know I can’t really do this – converse fluently in Hebrew – , so you’re just making me feel bad about myself. So, stop !!
Today I started a new practice at the dog park. While Pete plays, I’m taking vocabulary from last year’s Hebrew notes and writing them into a blank address book. I’m filing them under the English word, and then writing the Hebrew word below it.
Honestly, for only beginning to learn this very different language, I think I’m doing just fine after one year. ליאת, ליאת.
Scotty P Israeli Inner Circle mainstay Yoda Jeremy and actress extraordinaire and friend Samadar tied the knot last Tuesday in Jerusalem. It was a really fun party w/some of my closest friends. And the affair was the most extravagent I’ve seen yet in Israel. (The above image is from their wedding invitation – Jeremy drew it !!)
I got a ride w/ the Becker-Barkins, and my friends Leah and Rebecca. The wedding was in a hotel called The Sequoia, which is on a Kibbutz. There wasn’t an exact street address, but I typed the kibbutz addy into Google Maps on my BlackBerry, and it totes got us there!
I’m a little stressed at the moment, so my writing’s gonna suck for the next couple posts. Rather than struggle w/ posting masterpieces, I just wanna get some new stuff up. So, I kind of said all I really need to about this. You get the gist.
OK, a few more things:
- Jeremy’s speech was great. He even gave our table of mostly Ulpan rejects students a shout-out. And I love shout-outs !!!
- Samadar sang a song for Jeremy – Can’t Help Lovin’ Dat Man. She has a beautiful singing voice.
- Samadar’s family is part Yemenite, and there was a lot of, like, Middle Eastern music at the beginning of the party
- This was the first wedding in Israel where we actually danced in a circle and did the hora and stuff (the other two I went to, we didn’t do this for some reason). Is it more of a Diaspora Jewish tradition? (Samadar’s mom is American.)
- The desserts were insane! Like four giant tables of different ones – my faves were this berry/merengue pie and this hot chocolate fondue stuff in a cup
Pics:
Jeremy beams as he's walked down the aisle by Samadar's father and his bestie Aziz (visiting from Toronto)
The chuppah was alighted for the evening ceremony. White flowers abounded. It was beautiful, but it also reminded me of the way the sidewalk lit up in the "Billie Jean" video.
The room!
I pulled out all the prepster stops for this great new Facebook profile pic! Thanks, Anna.
Hora!
Inneresting. Yemenite tradition? Peeps grabbed hold of Samadar's gown and lifted it up as they twirled around her. (She had another layer underneath, you pervs.)
Team "Route 425" Gets Down!
Think anyone'll notice if I smuggle one mini dessert out in my pants pocket?
Last night I didn’t go to bed until 6am. It’s not that it was such a great night. Neither of my favorite dance parties were happening, so I bar-hopped solo – went to EVITA (Tel Aviv’s main gay bar; NYers, think: SPLASH), Ashmoret, stood outside Minus One (where I couldn’t get past the velvet rope) and Laika. I was home by 3am, but then putzed around online and finished the night w/ some junk food and an episode of glee while Petey slept across my chest.
I got up to walk Petey @ 10am, then went back to bed @ until 2pm. My choices were clean the apartment, blog, or take Petey to the beach. Obviously, I chose the beach. We got a late start, and it was windy – but totes sunny. We went to the dog beach and I read TIME magazine while Petey frolicked his tits off. He really had an amazing time. I wound up seeing my friends Michael and Tali and their dogs Lizzie & Lucky Sky.
Then, we came home and Petey crashed while I ate some cake & ice cream. Then, I crashed. Then, we woke up and watched an episode of glee w/ him sleeping on my chest. Now, I just blogged these two posts, and we’re gonna watch the mid season finale of glee then go to sleep.
No cleaning, only two posts blogged (there is more to tell from the week, work-related shiz), junk food consumed. What Shabbat is all about.
Dork Alert ! Sometimes after watching American Idol, I like to hold my dog Petey’s face in my hands and say to him dramatically as if I were Ryan Seacrest –
Petey,…America has voted….and after the nationwide vote, you…..ARE SAFE !!!
[the ability to crack oneself up is highly underrated]
Anyway, last week, I thought to try and capture it w/ video. The results speak for themselves.
Filed under: Work | Tags: Facebook, self-employed, social media consulting, twitter
Really just a quick note to say that my consulting business is progressing very nicely. I am very busy, and enjoying my work very much. I’m trying new things and seeing good results with them, and I’m gaining new clients, too.
I’m not going to talk about specific clients on here anymore, because I don’t think it’s smart. They may not appreciate it; why risk it? Also, it’s just not necessary to be that specific for this blog to work.
Since I last posted, I:
- Created an online press room for a client and widely-yet-targeted distributed a press release for them
- Started following-up on the press release and already generated some coverage for them (much more to come)
- Started a Facebook fan page for my 3rd client
- Designed and launched a Facebook gifting application (!!!) for a client that’s already been used 400 times !!!
- Had a job interview for a 4th client and am working on my first power-point presentation for them on spec.
I’ve been working very, very hard – but it’s been very, very fun!
So, you know, I still haven’t received my driver’s license in the mail yet, even though it’s been more than the “two weeks” they said it would take to arrive. No biggie – T.I.I., I knew it would take longer, and I know I’ll get it eventually.
But when I got an envelope with the word “traffic” on it, my mind naturally went to – Ooh! My license is finally here! But, you know, why was the letter from the TRAFFIC VIOLATIONS BUREAU in LOS ANGELES? Say it with me, people –
WTF?
So, this is almost just too out there to even explain. But there is a citation issued against me from December 2009 in Los Angeles – a place I haven’t been since 1985 – for running a red light – even though the person caught driving by the traffic camera is a BLONDE WOMAN, and I’m like, you know, not.
So, I called L.A. up last week and explained the situation (b/c the form said I had to mail shit back to them – and there was a section to fill out “if you were not the driver of the car,” but when you haven’t been to the location in 25 years, you were on another continent when the accident took place, and the driver is a different sex that you – there was no section on the form to fill out for all that.
It turns out that the owner of the car, who was served the citation is an Israeli man, and he sent back information saying he was not the driver of the car – and that I was – and he gave my name, address, birthday…and for my license number, he got that wrong, but he used the Israeli equivalent of my social security card number for it.
The woman at the Bureau of Traffic Violations I spoke with in L.A. gave me the number of the deputy I should speak with about the citation, because my situation allowed her to. The deputy was not there when I called, but I did get to explain the whole situation to another officer, who took notes, and said I will hear from the deputy this week.
The first order of business is to get the citation against me dropped. But after that, I want to prosecute this fucker,
Mr. Yaron Zarafshan, who lives on 17421 Collins Street in Encino, CA 91316.
I mean, this shit is some serious fraud. Using my name, addy, bday, and Teudat Zehut (Israeli soc sec #) illegally – let’s send this fucker to jail, people.
More to come…
Filed under: Official Immigrant Stuff, Struggles | Tags: accountant, Israel Tax Authority, taxes, value added tax, VAT
Some financial dramz the past two weeks.
First I got that crazy letter from the Israel Tax Authority, saying i owed 3900 shekels ($768) and that they were authorized to bust into my house and take whatever they wanted, approximating that value. That was last month, and after changing my underwear I called my accountant, who explained to me he’d already dealt with the matter and there was nothing to worry about.
All income in Israel is subject to a 16% Value Added Tax. But my main two clients are American, and income from them is exempt from this tax. However, my accountant had failed to file paperwork with the Israel Tax Authority declaring this income. Even if I don’t owe anything on it, I still have to report it. Anyway, he dealt with it, and the problem was solved. Or, so I thought.
The next weird thing to happen was I got two more receipt-type things in the mail. I asked two separate Israeli friends to look at them for me, since of course they were all in Hebrew. Both my friends were confused by them – because they said “amount paid,” “you do not owe anything at this time and “refund” on them. We had no idea what they really were.
Thinking they could be refunds from my 2009 Israeli taxes, I checked my bank account. No, they were not refunds, as there were no corresponding deposits there. But, I was surprised to find a 1,700 withrawl from my account, and a 55 shekel fee, since I didn’t have enough funds in my account to cover that check.
WTF
I called my account to fire ask him what this was about. It seems his daughter, who was handling my account, had written a check on my behalf for that amount to pay three months of my national health insurance. (She was able to do this, b/c she convinced me earlier to sign and send her three blank checks, so they could pay taxes and such for me with less delay.)
I wasn’t comfortable with the blank check thing, but grudingly gave her three (instead of the seven she’d asked for). But, hello! – I expected her to call me and confirm that I had the funds in my account before she wrote any checks on my behalf. She didn’t, and this is what caused the problem.
Then, I got a big fat check one from of my Israeli clients that I deposited into my account. I checked a day or so later to make sure those funds were available in my account – and I was SHOCKED to see that while, yeah – they had been deposited, they had also been frozen by the government, who was trying to reclaim the 3900 shekels they said I owed from last month – that my accountant had said he had dealt with!
Double-You Tee Eff !!!
I changed my shorts again, and called my accountant back. He explained how someone from his office would call the Israel Tax Authority later that day and clear it up for me. His office called later the same day to say they had spoken with the Israeli Tax Authority and cleared up the matter. The Authority had promised to contact my bank and get the funds unfrozen. But I had two big automatic withdrawls coming up in two days – for my cell phone and gym membership, and if it wasn’t cleared up by then, I was going to be overdrawn in my account again. I went to the bank and asked them to delay these withdrawls for a few days, but they said they couldn’t help. They recommended I call Isracard, which is sort of like a credit card company, but….well, if you don’t live here it’s sort of hard to explain. But they’re sort of like a credit card company, who consolidates automatic-withdrawls and processing them together. If anyone would have the power to delay this withdrawl it was them. Only they said the best they could do was roll it into my April payment with interest (about 60 shekels interest). Fine. At least I wouldn’t be overdrawn now. I was really proud of handling that part myself.
One day passed – funds still frozen. Two days passed – funds still frozen. After three days and the funds were still unfrozen, I called my accountant back. He said he had called the Authority again and they said they would clear things up with my bank. He also said he had now done everything he could, and if I wanted to use my energy more wisely, I would talk to my bank or the Israel Tax Authority directly.
Yikes. I started with my bank. They were nice, but also said they couldn’t help. I told them my accountant said he had received a letter from the Israel Tax Authority saying I owed nothing and the funds should be unfrozen, and we could call him up and have it faxed right over. My bank said they needed an original letter from the Authority, not a fax from my accountant. Grrr.
I decided to hightail it over to the Tax Authority. It was around noon on Thursday. A lot of times, government offices close around noon or 1pm, and they’re definitely not open on Fridays. So, like, the window to deal with this before the weekend was crashing down on me hard. I punched the addy into my BlackBerry’s Google Maps, took my dog home, mounted my bike, and rode like the wind.
One cool thing was – the more time I spend riding the city streets on my bicycle, the more I coming to learn Tel Aviv. Like, here, I had arrived at my destination, which was somewhere I had been before. But I arrived from a different direction, so I was able to sort of get a better sense of how this part of the city connects with that part of it, and so on. Yay, me. (You take your Yays where you can when dealing w/ Israeli beaurocracy.)
I didn’t know if they’d be open or not, because this being Israel, no one was answering the main office number there, and the hours were not listed on the website. But things went my way, because I found this place, and they were open, and they were nice, and they confirmed the problem was resolved and gave me an original letter to prove it that I could take back to the bank to unfreeze the funds.
Now, I had to peddle like a mofo to make it back to the bank to deliver the letter before they closed for the weekend. And – I made it there in time, too! So – with a lot of help from a lot of parties – I really showed up for myself and did my part to get this cleared up. And my bank said that in less than a week, the funds should be available to me once again. Just in time for my moving costs, etc.
Damn, boy, I am proud of myself!
I’ve blogged about it before – there is entirely too much asscrack on display in this country. It’s not just the contstruction workers and Britney wannabes. This picture comes from…..[wait for it]…..a waiter at the nice (!!)restaurant we went to on our camping trip. Excuse me, Miss, would you like some fresh asscrack sprinkled on your salad?
I guess things really do happen in threes. B/c while I’m usually way too slow to get the shot or the BB camera’s too inferior to make it a clear one, I got two more asscrack shots this week. It was literally raining asscrack !!!
Pants on the Ground - Israeli Chick Edition. Maybe she had no pockets and need a conveniently reachable place to put her cell phone? If so, at least put it on vibrate...
Kids - you sit still and be quiet, or we will turn this asscrack around and go home right now !!!
Gefilte Fish Out of Water 