Filed under: Cool Things, Cultural Differences, Friends, Funny Hebrew, Outside TLV | Tags: Billy Eichner, Creation Nation, Hahafuch
A couple of weeks ago, my friend Leah and I rode a sherut to Jerusalem to see a sketch comedy & improv show by a new English-speaking group called Hahafuch. (Join their Facebook group!)
Cafe Afuch is a type of hot coffee drink in Israel. It means “upside down coffee,” but it’s basically just a cappuccino. So, Hahafuch is a play on words on that – like “haha funny” – get it?
Anyway, the show wasn’t held in a bar or club like we expected. It was held in the theater of an old “absorbsion center” for American Olim (place for new immigrants in Israel). Sad story. The place used to be thriving, but the owners lost everything thanks to Bernie Madoff. For realz. #sad Anyway, after the sherut, Leah and I hopped in a taxi, and we were kind of like WTF when it dropped us off on a quiet, residential street. We were on the right path, b/c we saw a Hahafuch sign, but we were like, climbing over fences and walking past abandonded buildings and whatnot. I was ready to start making Friday the 13th/Jason noises (ch-ch-ch-ch…kill-kill-kill-kill), but finally we came upon the theater, and all was normal again. We paid for tickets and entered an already packed theater, as the show had already started. My friend Debra had saved us seats.
The first act was improv. Some very funny stuff, with contributions from the audience and without a net for the performers.
Then, how much did I love the fact that two very talented women came out and did an acoustic set of Madonna’s 1999 top 20 hit (and one of my favorites), Beautiful Stranger! Honestly, this made the whole trip worthwhile on its own.
After intermission, the performances switched to sketch comedy. We liked this even better! Some *very* funny stuff! Like this sketch, “Benyamin Netanyahu’s Speech as Translated by a Struggling First-Year Ulpan Student.” Benji Lovitt played Netanyahu. Benji is part of this social media savvy Israeli crowd of mostly Olim I’m getting to know on Twitter. Benji was the straight guy in this sketch, doing a really authentic and kinda angry/passionate Netanyahu. The student would translate a few sentences right, and then botch something to comedic effect. (Like you can imagine Netanyahu was talking about keeping Jerusalem our undividied capital, and the student would say something obviously wrong, like, “So we can have more onions!” Then, Bibi would give him an awesome stink-eye, and yell the word in Hebrew again, and the poor student would repeat it incorrectly again, making it worse (“Onions!”)
#guessyouhadtobethere
Another sketch I really enjoyed was one called “Aliyahonics Anonymous.” It was a bunch of Olim like me bitching about the often incredulous and rude behavior from native Israelis directed at immigrants.
Here’s a shot from a “Weekend Update” style segment, complete w/ video still shots on a screen for added effect.
Here’s two funny videos the group prepared in advance to add to the show as multi-media elements. This first one’s a travel commercial spoof about taking a trip to the “real” Israel, where Israelis try and make tourists look like “friars” (suckers).
This one’s sort of a “man on the street” style news package segment, making fun of Israeli’s without their consent, in the style of old school Letterman, or Billy Eichner’s Creation Nation.
[Damn, sidebar! Billy Eichner is just so damn funny !!]
Anyway, so is Hahafuch, and I will be going back to their next show – and trying to get my friend Anna Becker Barkin to audition for them!
Forgive me, Father, it’s been two weeks since my last post.
Two Fridays ago, I was slammed w/ mid-ramp up of a PR campaign for a new client. And last Friday, I went…..camPing! Yoda Jeremy and Samadar get married in ten days, so we did a weekend camping/hiking trip as a Bachelor Party weekend, minus the strippers and cocaine.
Kudos to Vice President of the Becker-Barkins Eric for putting the whole thing together.
We were a group of four: Jeremy, Eric, Itay and me. We met in the morning, packed up, and then made a pit-stop on the highway to get some grub and plan the drive up.
Our second stop was in the town of Tiberias, where we ate lunch on a deck overlooking the Kinneret, a freshwater lake in the North and Israel’s most important water resource. We enjoyed an awesome lunch at a restaurant called Decks.
When we got to our first choice campsite, Yehudiya Forest Nature Reserve, we found out that the trails were already closed, even though it was only 1:00 p.m. Thanks, Shabbat!
We could have still camped there, but we wanted to get a hike in first, so we went to another campsite – the Jordan River Peace Park. You know what? The parks were kind of self-segregated – this one had many more Arabs, and maybe that’s also why it wasn’t closed early for Shabbat?
We did our first “hike.” The quotation marks are there, because although we chose a medium, 45-minute trail, we kept losing it and wound up basically walking in a circle that had some nice views, but was over before we knew it and not very challenging. So, we broke out some beers (except me, who doesn’t drink) and talked about girls (except me, who’s gay).
Then we set up camp…next to the parking lot and bathrooms (and later we found out, in the direct aim of a stadium-sized klieg light). We gathered firewood and Eric did his magic grilling us wings and hot dogs.
Itay had to go back to Tel Aviv, but Eric, Jeremy and I delighted in tripping out on our campfire, leading me to proclaim:
which I promptly tweeted.
Then our campfire converted to Judaism:
I got a headache from all the smoke, I think, so I went to bed early until I was awoken the next morning by Eric’s elephant cry-like snoring.
We headed back to Yehudiya and did our real hike. More challenging – and more beautiful!
Lunched again in Tiberias on the way back. Great time !!! Northern Israel is really so pretty – much more green and hilly than the Center or South. Hopefully, we’ll go camping again soon.
Here’s some video of our fire (which had temporarily gone out), coming back to life after we put new kindling and leaves on top of it. (Sorry, it’s sideways).
Location-sharing and geo-tagging are social media trends for 2010. Twitter, Facebook, you name it – with more people having GPS in their phones, everybody’s service is going location-specific.
That’s fine and all (although, a cautionary tale – are we all asking to be robbed?) Personally, though, I thought it was a little Big Brother to let everybody know where I am all the time (although I seem to have no problem telling them what I’m doing round the clock). But if I was gonna do it, I’d probably choose a service like Yelp, which is all about sharing local reviews of places, restaurants, etc. That makes sense to me.
I would certainly most NOT be participating in the “game” called Foursquare. You’ve seen people playing this, even if you’re unaware of what it is. Did you ever see in your Facebook newsfeed, updates from people that just say that they “checked-in” somewhere?
That’s it. That’s people “playing” Foursqure. Wee! not Ooh, or maybe they became the “Mayor” somewhere?
The Mayor. Gimme a break! I don’t care if early adopter Marko is doing it. I don’t give a crap about checking-in anywhere, and I will not be doing this! Except that Mashable wouldn’t shut up about location-sharing, and well, as you can see by the two updates I cut/paste into this post, yeah, I’m doing it now. And, ahem….
(loving it – shh!)
OMG, I can’t wait to check-in wherever I go. And becoming the Mayor feels da bomb – who knew ?! In fact, my life’s mission now has become to usurp “Enrico M.” He’s currently the Mayor of Dog-Park Park Hayarkon…..but not for long (heh, heh).
Filed under: Cool Things
I’m fortunate to live next to Park Hayarkon, Tel Aviv’s version of Central park. Although I’m not jogging in it like I used to, Pete and I go to the main Dog Park inside almost every day.
Last Shabbat, I woke up to the sound of tribal drumming. I’m not still at the club? i thought Srsly, though – what was it? There were also periodic announcements from a megaphone, whistles, and cheering. Obvs, some type of event was going on there. I was curious enough to check it out, but was getting a late start and figured it would be over by the time i got over there.
Hardly. The easiest way to describe it was Color War. Everywhere you looked, kids with face paint going apeshit.
I met up with my friend Danny (and this 3 dogs – Michelle, Sika & Yoko) in the dog park, and we walked back over towards the chaos on our way out. Oh, those are the Sea Scouts, (aka Israel Boy and Girl Scouts Federation) he told me.
It looked fun. They were having boat races, and whenever a new one started – look out! Because swarms of kids would follow along the river bank, yelling for their team.
The yellow boat looks like they could be senior citizens! I guess, counselors are allowed to play.
And they completely tricked out the park with colorful signs and tents.
After some tug-of-war, it looks like the “blue team” won.
Nifty. That’s it.
Taken with my BlackBerry camera, so you don’t get the full effect. But this a blossom from a tree on me & Pete’s regular walk. It has been in bloom for about a month now. (In Tel Aviv, plants bloom all year, because it never gets very cold. I think the blooms have something to do with when the tree/bush/flowers were first planted. So, while not every plant is blooming all year long, all year long there are new blossoms on various trees/plants/bushes.)
These are soft & fuzzy – a bit like these, but longer and shaped more like pine cones. Here’s another beautiful blossom I posted about last summer.
I usually don’t throw parties for myself, but you only turn 40 once each lifetime. So, this year I knew I must.
I went with my friend Phil last month to see this place my friends the Becker-Barkins recommended called Betty Ford. By mistake, we went into the wrong place, but we liked it immediately. Called Nachalat 52 (creative!, it’s the address), it had a Western-sort of vibe, with a lot of wood, which you typically don’t see in Israel. The shister manager Ronen promised me the upstairs room to myself for the party. They had a pool table up there and Guitar Hero hooked up to a big flat screen. I told them I needed to take a look at some other places, and I did check out Betty Ford, but I got a slimy vibe from the BF manager, who wanted my guests to each pay a minimum charge, so I went with Nachalat 52.
T.I.I., baby. It’s an expression my friend Liron’s friend made up; stands for “This is Israel.” It’s sort of a catch-phrase for whatever ridonkulous shiz goes on here or peeps try and pull. Ronen, the Nachalat 52 manager wound up imposing the same minimum charge per guest bullshiz that the other guy wanted. Basically, we had to spend 3000 ($790) shekels total or else I’d be responsible for paying the difference. You know what? I was inviting a lot of people, and I told everyone to bring their friends, so I wasn’t worried.
I mainly invited people through Facebook:
And I was so excited when the actual party came around. Although, there was a speed bump and I was pretty peeved when Ronen called me last week to confirm. At the end of the call, he tries to casually throw in – Oh, yeah, and there’s just this one little thing. You won’t be able to use this one couch and table in the corner of the room. You see, I, er, ah, booked another party of 15 for it.
WTF ??
T.I.I., baby. I had a choice – I could have flipped out and ripped him a new one over the phone. But I didn’t feel like doing that. And it was too late for me to find a new venue anyway. So, I just said – Look, I know what you did. When I booked the party, the place was only open two days and you jumped at my business. Since them, you’ve become a big hit, and you just want to make more money. Well, I just wanna say ‘I’m very disappointed about this.’ The vulture He promised me free drinks.
Anyway, last night was the big event. And it was super. It wasn’t just those 15 other people, though. When I got there around 8:40 p.m., the upstairs was kinda close to filled up already with random peeps. I put my shit down on two big tables (I had “just happened” to bring along a duffel bag and two big shopping bags “in case” people “happened” to bring me gifts. Look – normally, I made a point to say – NO GIFTS! Your being there is all I need or want. But this year, I’m 40, bitch, so you better be packin’ present when you walk in that place, ‘mkay? No, really – I didn’t expect everyone to give me something, but I knew my closer friends would, and that’s just how I wanted it.)
So, if I could plan it again, I would have picked a quieter place. At it’s peak, it was loud and crowded – and smoky. There is a anti-smoking indoors law in Tel Aviv just like in New York, but not every place enforces it, and this place didn’t. But, you know what – it served its purpose. I was so happy greeting each of my guests. And it gave me great pleasure to watch my different groups of friends interact with each other. There were my ulpan friends, my Tikva friends, my gay friends, friends from work, friends I made from the dog park, people I’ve schtupped and more – like some people I met on Atraf, the Israeli gay dating site and a new friend I met at a Nefesh b’Nefesh Olim welcome ceremony last month. My friend Danny had his professional cake baker friend make my cake. It was 100% from scratch – including homemade chocolate on top and homemade raspberry puree inside. [Said in the over-the-top style of Oprah introducing a guest on her show:]
Delicious !!!
I also ordered a bunch of bar food for everyone to nosh. I chose chicken fingers, calamari, little fajita-type things, and Israeli platters of humus/olives/tahina/pita. But it took a long time for the stuff to get served (delaying the cake/Happy Birthday song), and it was a lot more salad-y type stuff than I realized. Not really finger food. I’m sure we wasted a lot.
But whatevs. It was great, and I shined very brightly. I knew I was going to hear from people – 40 !?! You do NOT look 40, Scott! But I wanted to maximize that effect, and for the pictures from the night, so I shaved instead of sporting my usual stubble. With my longer hair, baby butt smooth face, and Paul Smith textured/patterned shirt that I got at a sample sale I earned every compliment I attracted. Peeps started to leave around10:30 p.m., but diehards stayed until almost midnight. Here’s some pics from the night.
Me with Danny (left) and Phil.
The Becker-Barkins, Moosh and Rotem
Shabi, Nir, Me
Ilana and Chris
with Leah & Itay
It's actually my 5th decade (but who's counting?)
With my Honey, Liron
Jeannie, Phil, Alon
Abi & Me (Stan in back); That rose I'm holding from the cake is 100% homemade chocolate. It was soooooo good, you guys !!!
A rose by any other name...
Stephanye & Regev rOcK oUt !
David, Keren, Caitlin
Jeremy & Eric
Dancing on the Table (move, Eric! You're blocking my ass!)
Booty Haul
Filed under: Cool Things
I’ve been seeing this guy most mornings when Pete & I are on our walks. It’s this guy, and on the front of his bicycle is, like, a big playpen and there’s 3-4 kids in there playing while he leisurely rides around. I’ve actually seen a few people with similar contraptions, but this guy’s was the largest with the most kids in at once. It just looks like a simple pleasure for everyone involved – him, as much as the kids. Hard to get a photo while they were in motion, but I got this one of their back. You can’t really see the kiddie contraption part, buy you get the idea. Nice.
Filed under: Cool Things, Work | Tags: broadcasting, gay, Silvano Orsi, TV news
On top of both my jobs, this week I did a third job, albeit one that didn’t pay me anything. I mentioned it already on here; it’s sort of combination news writer/reporter/anchor work for GayMiddleEast.com. GME is a news-aggregator site for LGBT stories from throughout the Middle East. I’m part of a new project for them, where we’re creating original video content from the stories on the site and posting it on YouTube. You never know – there’s at least one English-language newscast in Israel, and I’m sure the talent pool for native English-speakers with broadcasting skills is pretty small…who knows – maybe this will be the thing that pops, and I’ll wind up the Israeli Anderson Cooper.
One of the videos we’re working on is an interview with Silvano Orsi. It’s a pretty incredible story. In 2003 Orsi, an American citizen, was chilling in a 5-star hotel restaurant in Geneva, Switzerland, when Sheikh Falah al-Nahyan – the brother of the President of the United Arab Emirates – came up to him and started hitting on him hardcore. When Orsi turned him down (he’s not gay), the Sheik sent over a $500 bottle of champaign. When Orsi turned him down again, the Sheik whipped the shit out of him in front of everybody in the hotel bar with a heavy metal belt buckle. Orsi tried to get away to another room, and then to the reception desk to call for help, and each time the Sheik followed him and whipped him with the belt buckle in his face all over again. Because the Swiss didn’t wanna piss off UAE royalty, they confiscated Orsi’s cell phone, refused to call the police for him, and kept him against his will at the hotel until 3:00 a.m. Anyway, that’s just the beginning of the story – but already, WTF, right ???
GME.com’s Shabi Gatenio (who’s, I guess, my boss in this non-paying gig; but actually more like my friend) interviewed Orsi over Skype last month. This week, we videotaped me outside the Swiss embassy reporting on part of the story. Then, today at Shabi’s house, we videoed me in front of a green screen asking questions that will be edited together with Orsi’s interview. We also recorded a separate news brief of six LGBT stories from around the Middle East the last six months.
Now, look: there wadn’t no tellyprompter; I had to look down at the pages I was holding a lot. Our budget was less than what a pack of cigarettes cost in New York City these days. But, like I said, what if this explodes into a new career for me here? Israel’s a very “small pond;” it is entirely within the realm of possibility. Also, think of all the LGBTs throughout the Middle East – many of whom are educated and speak English – they’ll get some validation seeing their issues broadcast in this Internet video coverage. Also, people from around the world looking for these stories will find our coverage online. What I’m getting at is: drawing attention to the many abuses inflicted upon LGBTs in this region is a very worthwhile service to be providing. I’m proud and happy to do it!
Oh, what’s with the title of this post? Funny joke from the classic movie Airplane II: The Sequel.
I didn’t have one. I’m talking about a Nefesh b’Nefesh Olim Welcome Ceremony. NbN is the nonprofit that helped me “make Aliyah,” and they arrange for charter flights where the whole plane is full of Olim (immigrants) doing this. But I needed to be in Israel for work before the next scheduled charter flight. (They also book up blocks of seats reserved for Olim on regular EL AL flights, but again – I couldn’t wait for one of these.) So, I made the 12-13 hour flight solo. And although the AACI (Association of Americans & Canadians in Israel) arranged for someone to greet me after I landed to help process my paperwork, basically there was no fanfare, and I just took my complimentary taxi to my friend’s house and crashed quietly started my new life.
But yesterday (at 4am!) I got up to go to Ben Gurion International Airport to welcome my blogging buddy Lauren Gelnick, an Olah Chadasha from New York City who was on the final Nefesh b’Nefesh Olim Charter flight of 2009. Lauren’s been supporting me by commenting on G-Fish all year, and she invited me to come welcome her to Israel, so how could I say no? Plus, since I never got one of these Official Welcome Ceremony deals, I was also going for me.
How awesome was it that I got a ride to the airport with my Besties the Becker-Barkins, who were coincidentally leaving for the US on an early morning flight? I’ll save you the trouble of racking your brains – it was pretty effing awesome. Our friend Moosh was in the car, too, so he could borrow it while Anna & Eric were away. Even though most of the flights depart and arrive at Terminal 1, my instructions were to go to Terminal 3, so Moosh dropped me off there.
There were a lot of people already there when I arrived at 6:15 a.m. Everyone had to be on a pre-approved registration list for security purposes, so I showed I.D. and got an official “Guest” sticker to wear, then waited in a line mob to clear security and go into the main terminal, where the ceremony was to be held.
Like I really needed it, but I had a few complimentary pastries and some coffee. The place kept filling up. There seemed to be a lot of youth groups. The energy kept rising. It was like a bunch of ‘Heads as the start of a Dead show approached – if no one was on drugs, had just showered and dressed preppy, didn’t know any Grateful Dead songs, and was incredibly Zionist.
I learned some cool stats that an official NbN guy announced from a stage: the 210 Olim on this flight were part of a record year for North American Aliyahs – 3800 people, of which I am one! The youngest Oleh on the flight was just two months old, and the oldest person was 86! Here’s a couple of shots as the anticipation built…
Who's this handsome guy?
Then, they announced the plane had landed and the Olim would be bussed over shortly. Peeps got even
more riled up, and when they removed a barrier, everyone bum-rushed the tarmac like it was some Black Friday shiz.
What happened next was very special. I tweeted that it was basically like Zionist Orgasmo. Throngs of tweens sang along to the instrumental muzak-ized adult contemporary songs (Phil Collins’ “You’ll Be In My Heart,” “A Whole New World) interspersed with more traditionally Jewish hora-style music. People were waving Israeli flags with a rapturous fervor. It was an explosion of happiness!
Then, I was lucky enough to see my personal Guest of Honor, Olah Chadasha Lauren Gelnick and get what will hopefully become memorable shots for her.
The Money Shot
I know I’m going a little picture happy with this post, but I can’t resist. Here’s a great shot of who I presume is the 86-year-old Olah they were talking about. It’s hard to tell in this pic, but the younger man (son?) hugging her had tears streaming down his face. It’s was such a powerful and beautiful emotional force.
Then, I made my way back inside. I stayed for the ceremony. They had some very big VIPs there. Vice Prime Minister Silvan Shalom said, “Ahmadinejad may have his own plans for Israel, but you [Olim] make Israel possible, by continuing to come here.” Nefesh b’Nefesh founder and executive director Rabbi Yehoshua Fass quoted a remark Mark Twain made when he visited Israel, “You can’t depend on your eyes, when your imagination is out of focus.” (I didn’t exactly understand the point of the quote, but I was impressed by the fact that Mark Twain had visited Israel.) Then, he spouted a statistic that 81 singles were on this flight and there was some sort of promotion on J-Date about them, and that 1,100 single Israelis had signed up to meet them. Natan Sharansky, chairman of the Jewish Agency for Israel had a nice quote about the Olim on today’s flight, “finishing up a thousands-of-years march through the desert.” He also told us that a record 16,000 Olim made Aliyah in 2009 – double the amount that came last year (thank you, world economic crisis) – with 20% increases from the USA (the highest amount in 23 years), Latin America, South America, the UK, Russia this year over last year. He had another great line (you could tell this guy’s a really good speaker) about modern-day Zionism being criticized lately for being, “a bunch of wealthy American Jews paying to break Russian Jews out of the Iron Curtain to make Aliyah,” but today’s North American Olim deserve props for, “breaking the Golden Curtain around New York, breaking the Silicon Curtain [nice touch, Nate] around San Francisco….we need your knowledge, your experience with democracy, your commitment to civil rights.” Senior Deputy Head of the Division for Promotion of Aliyah at the Ministry of Immigrant Absorption Shifra Kirshenbaum also spoke, and I had to resist the urge to go up to her after and ask for a personal extension of my Sal Klita.
I really needed this infusion of Zionism. With fatigue from my current job, having to dip into savings to make ends meet now that my own Olim financial benefits have dried up, anxiety over an exciting job prospect I was waiting to hear back from, a potential search for new housing on the horizon…all of this felt like it had been piling up on me lately, and I used the ceremony as a personal pep rally to remind me what I was doing here, at least in part. Thanks, VIPs and fervent Olim energy.
I’m also kinda glad I didn’t have a ceremony like this when I arrived. I may not have had anyone there to receive me personally, and to be welcomed by such over-the-top enthusiasm in the aggregate, but have no one there for you personally, could have left me feeling very lonesome. I’m glad it worked out this way, that I got to have my ceremony ten months after-the-fact, by way of showing up to support someone else. Thanks, Lauren!
Blogging Buddies
Sweet.
Saturday evening I went to an Israeli Blogger’s Evening outside of Tel Aviv in a town called Nes Tziona. To me, it looked 
like a suburb. Yeah, I think this was my first trip to the Israeli suburbs. The homes were nice looking, but still made out of concrete with tile floors inside. It appears these construction materials are not limited to apartments. I think it’s because combined, they have a very cooling effect, which is appreciated in the summers.
I was late, but at least it’s because I was blogging. I wanted to have a lot of new content up before the event, in case any of the other bloggers went to visit G-Fish. I ended up stupidly fLYinG on my bicycle, in the street against traffic with no helmet, rushing to meet the bloggers of Cafe Liz and Apples & Honey at the central bus station , and kinda almost died once or twice. Thankfully I didn’t, but I did miss my bus. 
When I walked in, the event’s speaker Jacob Share, who publishes two blogs including the popular job search blog Job Mob was already well into his presentation. While I was stumbling around the neighborhood searching for the right home, I was pretty OK with how late I was and that I was missing the start of the presentation. I didn’t have any particular expectations for what I might get out of the evening, and I was primarily going just to check it out – meet some nice writers and also to get out of Tel Aviv.
But my mood sort of fell a little when I got inside. The conversation was about monetization and growing your personal brand. These are interesting topics, but only marginally to me right now. I wanted to be mixing it up and having conversations with new people.
But then there was a break, and the networking portion started. Yay! This was more of what I was hoping for. I asked Jacob a question about self-hosting my own blog on WordPress, and talked with The Baroness Tapuzina, who had just gone through the same experience. I talked with a few more bloggers including:
Tchochkes, Terror Finance (about how terrorism is financed – interesting!), Israel Restaurant Review, I’ll Call Baila, Blanche and Guy Designs, Israeli Kitchen, A Mother in Israel and NRK le-israelim baolam ha-asakim (in Hebrew; about Israeli business culture). There were a lot of food bloggers there!
Some of the bloggers I missed were: Foodbridge, The View From Here, One Tired Ema, and Around the Island.
After the networking, we did a round robin, giving everyone a chance to talk a little about their blog. I began to enjoy the evening more and more as it went on. This continued into my sherut ride back to TLV with Jacob, Liz and Yael, and even my bike ride through TLV with Liz.
I’ve since given and received some link love, which has been very nice. I would definitely participate in an evening like this again. Thanks, Hannah, Miriam and Sarah!
Gefilte Fish Out of Water 
