Because, quite frankly, I am approaching lard-ass status, the time for drastic measures had come. I’ve shared on here many times that I likes the candy bars and ice cream and cookies and cakes, but that since i work out a lot, it just wasn’t impacting my body negatively; wasn’t I lucky?
I have this former friend, Kfir, who owns a kiosk (translation, NY’ers: bodega; translation, everybody else: convenience store). Last week I stopped by his store, and he doesn’t tap dance around nuthin’ – he’s like Eh, Scotty, you look a bit, eh, larger, no? [moment of truth] Me: Um, whaddya mean? Kfir: Well, yeah – in your stomach and…..[wait for it]…..your ass. [desperately clinging to denial] Me: What? Maybe it’s this sweatshirt, which is kinda baggy. [remove sweatshirt, turn around for Kfir, modeling ass] Kfir: No, sorry, Scotty, don’t, eh, hate me, but it’s only the truth: I have lost weight, and you have gained it in your stomach and…[no, not again, Kfir – please, not again]…your ass.”
Kfir also trashed my hair. What is with your hair? It looks like a mess! Hey, diff’rnt strokes, Kfir – I’m growin’ it out. But that’s another post. Anyway, Kfir may be a typically direct and unsuble Israeli, and plenty of my friends chimed in on facebook when I made this my status update that he was a jerk – but, he was right. And I’m glad he said it. And he really did say it in a lovingly way. Candy bars not affecting me – c’mon! The ironic thing, I went in there to get some candy bars.
So, anyway, this was the ammunition I needed to begin cutting out the junk food, which I have succeeded in doing. Before, I had no defense against the ‘call of the junk’, but now I just conjure up:
…and it works great. I’m able to put it down.
Now, to the other part of the equation: burning fat. The issue isn’t muscles. I’ve got those. I just need to do more cardio so they not buried under as much body fat. And I’m a 12-time marathoner, so this shouldn’t be hard, right? Actually, it’s harder than you think. I have a chronic shin injury from years of running, so for me – even a casual little jog is kind of a huge production. There’s the stretching before & after; then I have to ice down my shins for ten minutes (to prevent my compartment syndrome from giving me the pain similar to shin splints even when I just walk, 24/7 for the rest of my life). This is annoying enough when jogging in the park, but in the gym, it makes it impossible for me to do intense cardio on the treadmill, unless I bring a little cooler of ice like I’m carrying around an organ transplant or something. I can do the elliptical or stairmaster instead, but at my gym only the treadmills have individual TVs on them, and I cannot do lengthy amounts of cardio without the distraction of TV.
So, my friend Nir told me he lost 13 pounds 6 kilos in part by just doing intense walking (also, Weight Watchers, but I can’t afford that right now). So, I asked my bestie Anna if she wanted in on crazy early morning speed walks in the park, and she said Sure, Scotty!
So, we’ve done two of them so far. And they are the totes funnest. We don’t take it to the extreme power mall-walker level, where we look like spazzes with our legs all rigid and hips freakin out like a bizarre chicken-walk. But – we do walk fast, while we gab like girlfriends. And we’re suited up in unnecessary-but-fun super Sporty! sportswear.
Towards the end of our first walk, that’s when we saw it: The Playground. It’s really a nifty outdoor gym where all the weights machines are set up so that you lift your own body weight. It’s really cool. But for Anna and me, it totally feels like we’re at the playground, and we just get a good strength training workout in the middle of our cardio. We’re both lovin’ it, and I bet you we see some real results from this.
Feast your eyes, bitches:
One of the nice things about my gym, Pure, is that they will customize a new workout program for you every two months. I got my third consultation this week. This time I had a new guy named Oren.
Girlfriend is serious! He put me on a (I forget what he called it, but it has a lot of supersets) program designed to really burn a lot of calories. Here’s the program:
15 bench press reps + 15 bicep curl reps + 15 lower abs (pushing my hips off the bench and my feet up in the air). 45 seconds rest. 2 more sets of this, with another 45 seconds rest in between the sets.
1 minute of treadmill @ 12.5 km/hr, followed by 1 minute of treadmill at 6.5 km/hr
2 minute rest
15 lat pulldowns + 15 tricep extensions + 20 crunches. 45 seconds rest. 2 more sets (each w/ 45 sec rest in b/t).
Same interval cardio as before. Another 2 minute rest.
Last exercise is this killer squat/overhead press combo, where I lift the bar over my head when I come up from the squat. 15 reps, followed by 20 reps of the oblique abs exercise of my choice.
Finish up with 2 km of treadmille @ 10 km/hour pace.
Wait, there’s more. He also gave me a diet nutrition regimen to follow.
3% fat yogurt before I walk the dog in the a.m.
2 egg omelette + 1 small bowl oatmeal for breakfast.
3 hours later – snack of 1 apple & another 3% yogurt
lunch is some protein (chicken breasts, tuna, fish, tofu, chick peas, beans), small dish of carbs (pasta, yams, rice, potatoes)
3 hours later – snack of 5% fat cheese on whole wheat bread (half a sandwich)
dinner is veggies & dairy
And I’m supposed to stick with this –
But so far two whole days I have stuck with it. I don’t like to cook, but I am making the omelette, and I boiled up a batch of whole wheat pasta to heat up small bowls from each day, and I’m eating lots of these pre-made salads and my new favorite food (who would’ve thunk): cottage cheese (1%!) (sweetened with two splendas, though).
Oren measured my body fat, and I’m at 22%. That’s normal range for someone who’s 40, but I’m still 39, so it means I’m a little high. Oren was a great motivator. I always knew diet was my big problem. My diet isn’t terrible (I don’t eat fried foods or red meat), but I have a mondo and a half sweet tooth. But I think I just needed to have somebody hand me a plan like this, for me to be able to stick to it.
Wait. Check with me in a week before you break out the sparklers.