Filed under: Petey
When we first moved into our new place, I had to lock Petey in his crate when I left him alone. He had graduated to free reign of the old place, but until I was fully unpacked, there was just too much shit to explore and eat all over the floor.
But Pete’s crate is so enormous, that I’m keeping it on our enclosed front porch. And b/c I wouldn’t take too kindkly to anyone coming in off the street and waltzing into my apartment, I have to close and lock the door to the front porch – effectively leaving Pete doubly locked in – in a crate inside of a small room. It can’t be that fun for him.
So, finally I got unpacked and tried giving him free reign again. It worked well….for a while. I was out working from a cafe – as part of my new plan to “get out there” more and try and meet guys to go on dates with – and feeling exceptionally great. Look here’s the tweet:
(I know, cute thumbnail.)
So, I come home and find….destruction. There is foam everywhere. At first I think it’s just that Pete has eaten his new dog bed. I’ve caught him doing this when I’m home. I yell at him, but not really caring all that much. After all, it’s his bed and he’ll have to lay in it.
But upon closer inspection, I see that he’s chewed the entire corner of my prized Le Corbusier lounge chair replica.
NO !!!!! Not the chair, Pete !!!!!
That thing was ordered specially from NJ Modern back in 2008. It’s the longest story ever, but it kept being delayed and delayed again, and then I unexpectedly moved to Israel and finally it was ready and I had it shipped here.
Me & the chair in happier times, 2009
I lost it and smacked Pete’s face hard. I think he peed a little. I’m not sure what I’ll do about the chair – either try and have my tailor dressmaker restuff the corner and sew it up. Or, buy new fabric (maybe chocolate brown to match the wall?) and have her cut a whole new pattern and sew a replacement cushion. Probably the former (cheaper). Who cares if the bottom tip is a little asymmetrical? Right?
Besides beating his ass, I started giving him the silent treatment for like the next 24 hours. Anytime he tried to approach me, I got on the ground so my face was next to/level with the destroyed chair and he’d have to focus on it, and I raised my voice to him. He knew what he had done. In fact, he exiled himself to the front porch the whole next day and hid out there, even though the door was not closed. Serves you right, bitch.
Oh, it only that were the end of Pete’s maniacal wrath! Next day, I took him on a leash out jogging with me. Out of nowhere he jumps up to Michael Jordan heights and pulls out my $100 Bose in-ear headphones out of my ears! I think maybe I’ve lost a plastic tip, but that’d be no biggie, b/c I have extras. But no – Pete has ripped the plastic casing from the right earbud, and it has fallen under the boardwalk. No way I could yell at him for this, he has no idea what he’s done this time, and it was purely an accident. Plus, I think since I have an older, defunct pair of the same ‘phones at home, I can maybe pull off some MacGyver-like repair job by affixing a piece of the old ‘phones onto the new ones and krazy gluing it there.
[Pats self on back], And it worked! But #fail nonetheless, as it appears Pete’s chomp has destroyed the speaker’s bass and that ain’t comin back. A failure made worse by the fact that my friend Evan brought these back from the States for me only last winter, so I’ve had them just a few months.
Damn. So, I immediately become obsesses w/ purchasing a replacement ASAP. I don’t need much – travel, clean floors, a husband – but fuck w/ my ability to have top quality mobile digital music I can bike, jog or workout to, and watch out. I try both ebay and Amazon. I find them for as low as $44.00. But no one ships to Israel – not even the vendor w/ “international” shipping. #Failey McFail. Alcoholic obsession serves me well occasionally except when it almost ruins my life every other time, and I found the Israeli ebay, called “GetIT.” Yes, they have the headphones! And bonus, the site integrates automatically w/ Google Translate quite well. I could pay 329 shekels ($87.00) if I bid on them, or 500 shekels ($132.00) if I “get it now.” Even though the site translates into English well, I don’t want to have to bid repeatedly, so I just buy them now, and I’m waiting to receive them.
Having an evil, monsterous, rabid, Lord of the Flies type dog is expensive!
So no more jogging w/ Pete. And, no more free reign in the apartment when I’m away. Sorry, Pete – it’s the crate for you until you’re at least one and a half years old (currently 11 months).
Why was Pete doing this to me, you guys? My mom and a few other peeps chimed in that Pete could be feeling uncomfortable in the new apartment still. B/c I work from home, I’m here a lot, so it’s not so much as an issue for him. But once I leave him alone, it kicks in and he goes berserk? (It’s a theory.) Yoda Jeremy also said to double-down on the Kong toys I have for him (stuffed with treats). So, I bought a few more (another $30), and now whenever I leave him alone in the crate, he gets one of his three Kongs in rotation, each stuffed with a different kind of treats, and I’ve even started putting them in the freezer, to give him an additional sensation.
And still – I come home to find he’s completely destroyed his other dog bed that lines his crate.
WTF, Pete? He is definitely acting out about being kept in this crate inside the locked porch. But, tough! I tried giving him free reign in the apartment, and he ate my fucking chair.
#outofideas
Part of the master plan for my new apartment is to have a loft bed in the main room. You see, while it’s a big apartment – with two porches and a separate kitchen – much of the living will still be done in one room, which has to do double-duty as both bedroom and living room.
Bestie Anna nailed it when she said I needed a loft bed – “to take the bed out of the equation” when you have guests over. (So no one’s uncomfortable asking if it’s alright to sit on it, etc.)
So my friend Ariel swooped in and totally dealt w/ all the Hebronics with this metalworker guy whose shop is across the street from his recording studio. Things took a little longer than I wanted to get set up, but that was primarily b/c I was temporarily chanllenged in the bank account department. (Ah, the joys of freelancing.)
With that all straightened out, it came time to put the bed up. And I must say – what a great job they did! (Except for that part where I turned around for one second and they were drilling holes through the wrong wall! No probs – I did butch drag and plastered that later all by myself!)
It’s not finished yet. The frame was supposed to be made larger than my mattress, so I’d have space to put a lamp, alarmclock condoms, etc. up there. So, Ariel said he’s going to arrange for them to cut and weld a square “night table” shelf to the right side by the head of the bed. Similarly, since the ladder rungs are narrow and hurt my feetsies when I walk up/down it, I want a little “shoe bin” sodered to the top, so I can walk up wearing flip-flops and put them in there when I reach the top.
Here’s some shots of the guys working.
The other guy (not to be outdone)
Pete did NOT like it when I climbed up there for the first time. Barked, he did. Here’s his view as I climbed down the first morning after sleeping in it. (Note his evil eyes, as he plots his revenge. Think I’m kidding?)
As much as I love my dog, I was sticking to my “not allowed in the bed” rule. I just didn’t want to become the metaphorical “Crazy Cat Lady” – you know, the guy who sleeps with his dog.
[Sidebar: people are really divided on this issue! When I posted about it on Facebook, there was a strong Of course you let them into the bed! camp and just as emphatic No! They are dirty animals! posters.]
But anyway, I was SO stressed leading up to my concurrent move and job change that I couldn’t take the pressure, and I invited him in. I have to say, cuddling w/ Pete is pretty wonderful. Like a live-action teddy bear! But, you know, he sheds so badly, that after one night, the bed looked like a crackhouse.
Then, of course he began to think the bed was his, too. So, I’d get up from the computer to get a drink or something, and he’d be nowhere to be found…until I peered into the bedroom and found:
Then, we moved, and I haven’t gotten my loft bed immediately, so he continued sleeping w/ me in the bed in our new place – and lounging on it behind me while I worked (totally sprawled out like that famous Marilyn Monroe centerfold (wish I had a real pic).
[photo courtesy of Robert Roberts]
Anyway, last week I was out at the dog park w/ Petey, Jeremy, Samadar & Merlin (dog), and said to Samaderemy – I really can’t wait until I get my loft bed. The bed is just so disgusting with dog hair and bits of bone from Petey chomping in there, I can’t stand to sleep in there anymore, it’s disgusting. Jeremy countered w/ Why wait? Kick him out tonight. I felt so guilty though! I knew Petey wouldn’t understand, and he’d be like Wha- WTF – what’s happening? What’d I do? Why? Why ??? And I’m sensitive, and I didn’t him to feel this way and be racking his little dog brain and shiz. But then Jeremy Yoda said, Are you gonna give him a bath tonight? I’m like, No, why? And he’s like, ‘Cause look at him! [Petey was chasing a few dogs and rolling around w/ them in the dirt in the dog park.] Look where he is and what he’s doing – you’re really gonna let that into your bed tonight? That settled it – NO. Sorry, sleeping-w/-your-dogs camp, even if I’m 49% with you, I”m 51% OCD/Miss Priss/no way!
So, I kicked him out, and he reacted as I expected he would – not understanding at all. That first night, even though I’d moved his dog bed next to my bed, I’d keep waking up to discover he had climbed in with me, and I had to yell and throw him out. Other times, I would turn around from the PC where I was working, or walk back into the room to find him sprawled out on the bed, Marilyn-style. Pete, no !!
So, this week, I bought him a new dog bed. This way, his old one can remain in his crate, which I’m locking him in when I leave the apartment (even though he had free reign in the old place; there is just too much stuff on the ground and not packed away here yet; too much for him to eat and destroy), and he has a nice, new, bigger one next to mine for when I’m working or sleeping. I can lean over and pet him and let him lick my face. He loves it, and that’s the end of this story.
Filed under: Petey
This was a few weeks ago, and I really don’t feel like going into the whole story, but I brought it up, so I guess I have to. #Fail
Pete and I were walking in Park Hayarkon; not even the dog park, but the regular park. Powerwalking in fact, as I was fighting my downward spiral into fat-assdom. When all of a sudden, this enormous, unleashed German Shephard attacks Pete! His owner was standing to the side, kibbitzing w/ some other people, and the dog just lunged from out of nowhere and chomped his jaw closed around Petey’s face.
Poor Petey screamed super intensely! But one leash-pull from me freed him from the Shep’s clutches, and we continued on our walk. The whole thing didn’t last more than two seconds. Except when I took a few steps and noticed something wrong w/ the side of Pete’s gums. I touched it, and – HORRORS !! – he was bleeding.
I turned right around, held my hand out all dramatically so they could see the blood on it, and said My dog’s bleeding. The owner was a 60-ish, thin man, who was pretty reticent and unforthcoming about the whole thing. The only thing he said was I don’t know what he [meaning Pete] did to aggrivate him [meaning Cujo]. As if !!! Um, maybe *breathing*, you dipshit !? Walking !? Petey did nothing to aggrivate his monster, we were simply mall-walking like goobers when his menace lunged on us. Fool!
Anyway, I wish I handled the next part differently. The criminal owner had an adult daughter w/ him. I said to them Has he ever done this before? She answered No! I said Well, is he fully vaccinated? She said, Oh, yes. Then, I just gave her the stink eye and left. My BlackBerry was rebooting at that very moment, or maybe I would have thought to take a picture of them or Petey. Plus, I should have asked for their names and phone numbers, and I wish I had something like Your dog attacked us unprovoked, and now I have to treat my dog and get him medical care, and you’re going to pay for it. But I didn’t.
Anyway, we finished our walk, and then I photographed Pete and put the story out immediately on Facebook. My friend Maya told me where the 24-hour veterinary hospital was, but my friend Danny said we could wait until tomorrow. I put triple-antibiotic ointment on Petey’s three wounds, but he tried to scratch band-aids off, so I didn’t use them. He wasn’t bleeding anymore, but as you can see the skin was definitely torn in two places, and open in a third. Danny said he might need to get his skin stapled. And my mom said Petey should definitely be put on a course of antibiotics.
We went to our vet, and he did in fact put Pete on a course of antibiotics. 190 shekels !!! Prick (the owner of the Shephard). In a possible lucky break, my friend Danny thinks the A-Hole owner might be his neighbor, and he watched his neighbor’s shephard attack another dog. So, as much as I don’t feel like turning up the heat and expending the energy to insist this turd fool reimburse me for Pete’s treatment, if it turns out to be the guy, I will probably do this. Not so much for the money, but b/c if this guys’ dog is going around biting other people’s dogs, he has to be told that his dog is a problem and needs to stay at home or be muzzled if he goes out.
Anyway, that was only Part of Petey’s bad week. He was also on a chewing frenzy. Now, we never really had this problem when he was younger. If you’re a regular G-Fish reader, you know that he had his potty training issues, but he was not a furniture destroyer. Until recently anyway. My mom thinks it’s b/c I’ve been incredibly stressed out the last few weeks, with major changes of housing and employment coming simultaneously. She thinks Pete had defintely picked up on that and was acting out as a result. (She could be right, he’s kind of stopped now that we’re more settled in our new place.) Some things Pete destroyed or effed up:
My bluetooth headset. (Thanks, Anna, for bringing back a new one from the States!)
The punk loves to go through the trash can and bring trash back to his crate to munch on.
Knocked my coffee cup over onto carpet
On the lighter side, we did go to the dog beach a few weeks ago, and here’s a vid I took of The Petester chasing a doppleganger doggie down the beach. I’m glad he’s behaving better lately.
Also, here’s how his wounds have healed:
My bedroom and the door that connects to the front porch
Except it’s not really “after.” There is soooo much more work to do on the apartment. It’s not even close to finished, and is a total work in progress. But since I’m banging out these first posts in weeks, thematically it makes to give you AFTER since I just gave you BEFORE.
I am having a loft-bed built that will go in the upper right corner of this picture. That will take my bed out of the equation, and I can put my couch and coffee table underneath it and be able to entertain. And my friend Ariel is helping me change light fixtures around the apartment.
But here’s a few quick AFTER shots:
AFTER: Kitchen
AFTER: Kitchen (other view)
AFTER: one more Martha Stewarty kitchen shot w/ the storage baskets from IKEA up top
AFTER: tub in bathroom (tiles fixed)
Front & back porch
Sometimes I stupidly forget how good God is to me. It’s not enough that I’m blessed w/ the best friends a Scotty could have in America (Eyes, Al, Aim, JR, Tony, Park, Sheila, Karin, Chip, Ell, Babs, Lys, Marko, Justin, Jeffrey G aned many, many more) – but now I can add some of the best people in Israel to my friend list (and not just on Facebook, I mean): Anna, Eric, Leah, Jeremy, Rebecca, Danny, Ariel, Felicia, Nir, Debra, Russell, Liron, Abi, June, and many, many more).
Jeremy, Eric, Rebecca and Leah made moving in so much easier when they came overa few weeks ago and helped me paint three accent walls in my apartment. I had loaded up on supplies at ACE Hardware and we got together (on Shabbat !!) and had ourselves a big ole’ Painting Partay!
I took the boys out to breakfast first, and then we got started on a big wall in the bedroom/living room, painting it chocolate brown. Leah joined us, and boy am I glad she felt really strongly we do a wall in the hallway the same color. Then, we did a wall in the kitchen baby blue. (Actually, when I was deciding among the final custom color choices w/ the paint mixer at ACE, the final deciding factor was the names of the colors. “Expresso Brown” (since I have a client that sells coffee) and “Little Girl Blue,” b/c – well, everyone should have at least one wall painted in that color.
We did the first wall, then broke for lunch. Rebecca joined us, then we returned to bang out the next two walls. Here’s some pics and one video from the day.
Thanks, Besties !!! I love you.
Picasso
Eric getting started on the big, first wall.
Leah, Jeremy & Eric - making progress on same wall
Me, attempting Butch...
...And failing miserably!
Leah and the boys at work on the 2nd wall
A Class Act in front of their Masterpiece
Rebecca & Jeremy crack up about him giving her a ride in his new wagon bike-attachment
And b/c you were so good, here’s a little bonus vid of Jeremy pulling Becks (daringly shot by me as I rode parallel to them on my own bicycle).
BEFORE: Kitchen
BEFORE: Bedroom/Living Room
BEFORE: tub in bathroom
I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the dirt.
So, besides the shiz I can’t really talk about, there are some other reasons why I’ve decided to move out of my current apartment.
- There is a problem with the roof of this building (I am the top
apartment). In the rainy season (Oct-March) it doesn’t leak, but there is a horrific mold problem. Once a month I would have to stand on a stool and mop the ceiling w/ bleach. Apparently this has been going on for three years already. The va’ad beit who upkeeps the building (basically the Super, in US-terms) has been refusing to fix it, saying the problem is with the ceiling and not the roof (he’s not yet been introduced to the concept of gravity), and the landlord has been threatening a lawsuit, and that’s all I’m gonna say. Except that it’s probably not gonna be fixed this summer, so who needs more of that shiz come Oct. - But the main reason is probably that the landlord is also, ahem, my ex-boyfriend. It’s something I haven’t mentioned before on G-Fish, b/c he’s also, ahem, my boss. Anyway, thank God for him – he gave me a great place to live and meaningful, good employment my first year here, and helped me get established as a new immigrant here in Israel. But now, it is time to move on, and begin the next phase of my life here. And, Wahoo! for that.
So, I started looking. There are four websites with apartment classifieds in Israel – all them are in Hebrew. But, Google Translate extensions have really evolved to the point that w/o even asking, they will translate whole pages for you. Look what I’m talking about:
Here is one of the most popular apartment listings sites - "Homeless" - *before* Google Translate
And this is after! Can you read it - all the listenings are in English - street names, neighborhoods, descriptions. It really is a miracle.
So, pretty much my first day looking, I found an amazing apartment. I live in a neighborhood called the Old North, and I liken it to the Upper East Side of the NYC. It’s a little quieter, a little more posh. Very me. It’s also adjacent to the biggest park in Tel Aviv – which also has the biggest dog park.
But to stay here, I’d have to downgrade from a 1-bedroom to a studio, and I was fine w/ that. And I got super lucky, because I loved the very first apartment I found. Just around the corner from my current place, this one was even closer to the park! A renovated studio, about 37 sq meters. It wasn’t furnished, which is what I want, b/c I have furniture, including a full size fridge and a washing machine. Ground floor, just inside the entrance. Totes perf.
But the owner jerked me around sideways. First he wanted the entire year’s rent up front, y’know, b/c I’m an immigrant w/ no family in Israel. Never mind two friends of mine here were willing to cosign, and so was my physician father back in America. But I was able to talk them into giving me another chance, but then they bailed when I said I had a dog. No dogs.
So, that place didn’t work out. Then, I found another studio in a very nice area, on a street called Yehuda Macabbi. But it was just too tiny – only 20 sq meters. Renovated and a yard out back I could use, but not even enough room for all my furniture, plus Pete, plus me working from home?
So I wound up finding this place in a great location – a little street off Ben Yehuda, in between Arlozorov & Jabotinsky. A little further south, but still in the neighborhood I like. Further from the dog park, but still walkable there. Plus, super close to the dog beach (which is also the gay beach). Plus it’s HUGE !!!! and dirt cheap. The reason is b/c it’s very old. And I prefer renovated, b/c I am a posh princess. The building is old and will probably be sold and torn down in a few years.
But everyone said the layout is great, and with lighting changes and painting it could be great. Plus, the location can’t be beat, and neither can the price. And so my Hebrew speaking friends, Danny & Ariel came back the next day w/ me and told me I should definitely take it.
So, I did.
We came back the next day and signed the lease. I’m paying on 2500 shekels a month, which is $675 – a total steal. The place has huge ceilings, two porches and a separate kitchen. I had to pay only the first 3 months in advance, so I won’t pay rent again until July (and no real security deposit, just the first three months up front).
Here’s me signing the lease. That’s my va’ad beit (the equivalent in the US would be “the super”), who also acted as the managing agent in the pic w/ me. Now, he is actually really cute. But I swear I don’t have that expression on my face b/c I’m thinking of eating himi alive. I was more really excited to be signing the contract. In Israel, all paperwork is ridiculous amounts, so there were like 10 pages to sign, and he would hand me them one by one, in a little bit of a disorganized fashion when he found the next right page. So, that’s what my look of anticipation is about, lol.
Here’s a few more pics from the day I signed, and then next I’ll do a couple more posts about the apartment.
Well, this was just the treatiest of treats! My sister-in-law Jill (her sister is married to my brother) is in Israel the next two weeks. Her Israeli boyfriend’s brother is getting married, and they are here for that.
We had a late dinner at a cafe I like near where she is staying.
OMG, you guys, I can’t tell you how awesome it was to see and spend some time w/her. Other than my cousins Jennifer and Susan and my Aunt Bobbi & Uncle Jerry – none of my family has ever been to Israel, like ever. My Dad’s side isn’t Jewish, and my Mom’s side is suuuuuuper assimilated.
We’ve been in Philadelphia for five or maybe even six generations (like since the 19th century, we are talkin). We identify as Jewish, practice Reform, and everyone in my generation was Bar/Bat Mitzvah’d. But think about it: we lost no one in the Holocaust, and have been in Philadelphia longer than the Phillies. We are totes American.
But now that I’m here, I’m like, Come ON !!! But it ain’t happenin. My brother’s got a young family, my mom says she can’t afford it, my Dad’s not a traveller. So, anyway, my sister-in-law came first, and it was just so awesome to see her. We caught up on everything, and she is just cute as a button (see above).
Plus, I got to totally show off about how practically nothing much Hebrew I know!
No, this pic doesn’t explain why there ain’t been no G-Fish posts in like 4evah. But I am using this pic b/c this post has to be kind of cryptic. Or else it could be, like, evidence. In a court of law. I’m not kidding.
A couple of weeks ago, there was a situation where I had to be out of my 
apartment every day at 6:30 a.m. – with the dog – and stay out until like 5:00 p.m. To make it worse, I came down with my first cold since moving to Israel. The positive thing about that is that I’ve been here 13 months and hadn’t even gotten a single cold. The crappy thing was the timing couldn’t have sucked more. Imagine being stuffed up with body chills and having to be up at the crack of dawn w/ all your work for the day and enough supplies to keep a dog happy (water bowl, treats) for, like 12 hours. And have no place to go crash in the daytime. I went to a client’s office and worked. It blew.
Anyway, that was then. I’m back home, and soon I will be moving.
Gefilte Fish Out of Water 
