It was my 2nd blog, after briefly doing an environmental blog on a stinky Yahoo 360 platform that nobody could see unless they joined, and I started it within a day or two of arriving in Israel. There were so many new & crazy experiences being thrown at me, I’m so glad I had the dedication to chronicle them here.
G-Fish helped me tell my stories to all my family & friends back home. And now, I’m glad it will live in cyberspace indefinitely for those future queens googling “gay” AND “israel” AND “blog” etc. to find out what life might be like for them here, because they are considering making Aliyah. Seriously, it is very gratifying to get random comments from gay Jews on this blog – men & women I don’t know, but who are searching for specialized information about gay life in Israel. It’s a huge step what I did (making Aliyah), and I love that I’ve left a trail for men & women excited about taking the same step, and that I continue to help them through my stories’ echoes.
I also had to get a farewell post up, so that the first thing people see wouldn’t be Helen Thomas’ broom hilda mug on my homepage for all eternity. I was rightly incensed shen she made her anti-Semitic comments last spring, and I’m glad I posted my reaction to them. But, G-Fish was never an issues-oriented blog. It was always just about my new life, adjusting as an Oleh Chadash in Israel. Helen was not respresentative of what G-Fish was all about, at all. Deleting her post was one option, making a farewell post was another.
There are so many stories to tell from my experiences between last May and now – everything from the huge steps I’m taking professionally here, to continued good times w/ friends here to Petey stories and random small stuff. But, frankly – who has time for all that? So, I’m just gonna post some pics & vids instead.
If you’re LGBT and considering making Aliyah to Israel, just know that my experience so far has been great. I’ve been here a year and a half and am succeeding in starting my own business, have moved into my own great apartment in Tel Aviv, and have had my cute dog Petey for almost a year now. Still no boyfriend (or really, very much dating or sex, even) – but if you think you could change that, please leave your information in the comments, lol. Love ya! -S
Newton (dog), Yossi, Racheli, Nir, Hilla, Angel (dog) - in our dogpark, Spiegel Park
Anna, Taco & Me (don't ask)
This is what my new website is going to look like ! (scottpiro.com)
Pete, after I left his harness on overnight, and he chewed through it (2nd time this happened).
This is the sunset I watch every day in the dog park. Can you believe this is my backyard?
Here is the last year and a half (since I made Aliyah) encapsulated in 3 pictures:
Here I am happy, enjoying my great life in New York & Philly...
Me at JFK doing something totally crazy, moving to Israel only six weeks after I visited for the first time...
Me, a year and a half later, enjoying my life in Tel Aviv.
Check out my website scottpiro.com, which I expect to have up before the end of the year. It will be mostly a professional site, showcasing my work in PR, social media strategy & implementation and copywriting. But I’ll also have a smaller personal section on there, too.
Shalom, Bitches !! !! !!
Even if you’re not a Washington junkie, you might still know Helen Thomas. She’s kind of famous, for being part of the White House press corps since before fire was invented.
Anyway, apparently she also feels that the Jews should, “get the hell out of Palestine,” and “go back to Poland and to Germany.”
Wow – let’s work to make this part of her Wikipedia entry, ‘mkay?
I learned about this story from the great blog, Jewlicious.
I don’t make a lot of phone calls home. Skype’s free, but inconsistent w/ quality, and having to be tethered to the PC really takes the spontaneity out it. Skype calls need to be planned, and if you or the other party doesn’t make the effort, they just don’t happen.
But I called my brother on Thursday because I needed something from him. A client of mine has a system that forwards calls from an extension on their Boston phone number to my cell phone in Israel. But it wasn’t working right, so I had asked the client to make an adjustment. He did, and this is what I needed my brother to help me test.
Anyway, I reached him, and he helped me, but he didn’t have much time to talk. He had moved into his new house the day before, and you know, there was *a lot* of stuff to do.
I felt very excited for him, but understood that he didn’t have a lot of time to talk. I wanted to keep him on longer and have him tell me *everything*, but I felt like I kind of didn’t have that right. We stay in touch, but neither one of works that hard at it. I should really only speak for myself.
After the call, I thought – should I have been angry? (Such an important day in your life, and you didn’t even call to let me know?) Well, no – because speaking for myself, there is more I could do to be better in touch.
Then, I got a little hard on myself: this was a monumental event in his life, and I almost missed it. I reached him on the tail end of it, almost by accident. I mean, I can’t live without seeing the series finale of LOST, but apparently I can live without talking to my brother, his wife or my niece for a month at a time.
Don’t hate on myself. I have control over how much I call. And if I want to feel I am more a part of my brother’s life, then I have to, you know, *be* more of a part of my brother’s life.
Another quick one from a few months ago.
I was running around doing pre-moving errands. I had to keep stuffing things and digging them out of my pockets – keys, receipts, credit cards, etc.
I got home to find out I had lost my Teudat Zehut (*very* important ID card you’re supposed to carry at all times and need for all kinds of official stuff).
Kuh-rap! Now I was gonna have to wait in beaurocracy zombie-death hell lines for a few light years to get it replaced.
Maybe someone who found it will put it in your mailbox. I mean, what can anyone else do with your ID?
Score! Thanks, Kind Stranger I Never Met.
Filed under: Cultural Differences
Another quick post; this story’s from about two months ago.
You know you’re in Israel when….
…your movers bother to remove your Mezuzot for you so you can bring them to your next home. I had been out buying supplies or something, so I didn’t see them do this. But I got back and these were placed on a countertop for me to see and take with me.
These are little things I enjoy about living here. Being in a culture where I am in the majority. It just feels so nice how ingrained things like this are to everyone here, that even my movers would nonchalantly do this for me. #win
To show you how behind on stories I am, this one’s about Pesach, which took place back in March. So, I’ll zip right through it.
I’m not religious, and I’m always working. So, when I didn’t receive any invitations this year for Seder like I did last year, I was totes nonplussed; I was like – great, an extra day to catch up on work.
But the day before Pesach my friend Debra called about a work matter, and when she heard I would be alone on the holiday, she flew into action and got me invited to her friends Andy & Tanya’s Seder in Jerusalem.
It was a fabulous Seder! One thing that was really special about it, was – OK, normally when you’re more than 1/2-way through the Haggadah (story of Passover + prayers to sing & say), you break to eat the meal, and then continue for a bit more after. But for our Seder, we took another break: during the first half of the Seder, the super host Andy (who’s got *such* a fun personality!) announced that because the Haggadah doesn’t really get into the important story details or what really happened – the miracles God made that allowed the Jews to escape slavery in Egypt – we would get up from the table and act out a play for the kids (there were 6 kids at this Seder).
So, Andy, w/ his awesome personality, begins narrating the story.
One day, Moses' mother set him in a basket in the river...
...and then God spoke to Moses through the Burning Bush...
Anyway, when it came time for Pharoh to enter the story, – whoosh! wha- wait, whatsat! – Andy outfits me w/ headdress and neckware, and guess who’s Pharoh!
Anyway, you know what a ham I am, and I got totally into it – ordering the kids to make me sandwiches and do pushups. It was hysterical.
Last thing I want to say here, is that we had four kinds of charoset on the Seder table. One was a Turkish recipe with cardiman and ginger in it – yum!
I had a wonderful time and was so glad I was invited. I made some new friends in Andy & Tanya, and also Debra’s husband Aaron. Tanya’s family from the UK were wonderful, too. A very belated, very heartfelt thank you, Debra!
Filed under: Feelings, Hey!, Identity, Struggles | Tags: blockade, Flotilla, Sandra Bernhard
A lot can change in 24 hours. Sunday night I got to watch Rihanna perform in Jafo’s Bloomfield Stadium, and she was magnificent. The concert was part of a cool initiative called the Orange RockCorps. To score a ticket you had to do four hours of community service or know my friend Beth and get given a ticket for doing nothing. This was RiRi’s first time in Israel.
I had a stupendous time at the show. I almost didn’t make it! Beth told me RiRi was performing at Ramat Gan Stadium. I set out on my bike with plenty of time – dressed in “26-year-old drag.” My friend Ashley told me that the RockCorps tickets were only for kids ages 16-26. With bad lighting, sleep in your eyes and visual impairment, I can maybe appear 32-years-old; 26-y-o would be really pushing it (#understatement). But I wore a baseball cap and little O.P. corduroy shorts and gave myself a fresh, clean shave.
Google Maps on my BlackBerry got me there easily enough, and I realized the stadium (actually in Bnei Brak) was across from two skyscrapers where I had business meetings in the last few weeks. I was feeling that “more has been revealed” satisfying feeling that (unknowingly at the time) those meetings had helped familiarize me with this location to help me find the concert.
Except, major #Fail, b/c RiRi was not performing there at all. She was performing at Bloomfield Stadium in Yafo, which is basically the southern tip of Tel Aviv. Bnei Brak was like two towns over, north of Tel Aviv.
Fortunately, this whole country is the size of a peanut, and RiRi is Diva enough to never start the show on time, and I made it to the correct stadium about :10 minutes before she went on.
I passed for 26-years-old or, they just weren’t checking! I had a ticket to stand on the floor, which was fine b/c it was very close up. Even arriving as close to showtime as I did, I still was maybe 15 feet away from her when she came stage right. It was like I was babysitting or 15,000 teenagers, but it was fine.
Don’t you love it, when you remember to bring your camera and when you whip it out to take your first shot, you’re greeted with this message on the display: “CHANGE THE BATTERY PACK.” #Fail !!! Why doesn’t the camera have a gauge that shows you battery strength as you go along, but instead tells you nothing before – “Hey, doufus – I’m done. Change me.” #Fail !!! BlackBerry pics had to suffice, mainly of the video monitor, b/c cam was not high quality enough to get good shots of RiRi directly, close as I was.
Great show. Of course, I’m gonna find all the ways she was derivative of Madonna, but she really turned it out and rocked hard. It was really fun. Since I’m building my own business, I work *A LOT*, and it’s a real challenge to make myself get out for social activities. Seeing a big act like RiRi feels tangible to me, like I can point to it and feel – See, I do stuff.
Next day, late morning I see one of the new friends I’ve made from this crowd that’s really active on Twitter, Benji, tweet something like – “So sad, can’t stop watching the news.” Part of me thinks Uh-oh, what? , but I’m swamped as usual w/ work, and I don’t pay full attention. I can’t remember how long, but later that day the twitter chatter becomes loud enough that I realize something big has happened.
I’m trying to remember now what the first coverage I read was like – was it the US and global press accusing Israel of a “massacre of peace activists” or was it links from the people I follow on Twitter, who told a different story – that the IDF soldiers were “brutally ambushed by the terrorists at sea“?
The Ynet article really made me feel better – See, we’re not barbarians…we boarded the boat and *they* attacked *us* !! In an interesting twist, right afrter reading that article, the next tweet I see in Tweetdeck is from comedian/actress/author/personality/singer Sandra Bernhard – who I have adored ever since the mid 80’s, when she seemingly appeared on Late Night w/ David Letterman every few weeks. I remember thinking – Who *IS* this chick !?! I don’t know if Sandra was out then (I certainly wasn’t), but I was captivated by the way she clearly marched to her own drummer and seemed so much more authentic and original than the celebrities I was accustomed to seeing.
Anyway, so I’ve been a fan of hers for 25 years, and I read her tweet saying:
Not mean spiritied. Just a question – a *good* question. But in this environment – when, AGAIN it seems the world is unifiyingly holding Israel to an unfair security & self-defense double-standard…and yes, I was probably taking on some of these critical attacks on Israel personally…because Sandra is influential (and Jewish) and many people pay attention to what she has to say, I didn’t want her question to go unanswered or manipulated for another person’s purposes or change the opinion of someone still making up his/her mind up about what was still breaking news.
So, I answered her over Twitter:
And I included a hyperlink to the Ynet story I had read. Then, I continued working. I was still swamped, and flotilla or notilla, that hadn’t changed. When I checked Tweetdeck a little later, I saw that Sandra had answered me. While I had half-hoped she would, I certainly didn’t expect her to. Anyway, here is our conversation:
OK, so maybe it’s less of a conversation and really Sandra’s response to my tweet, and then my 3 replies to her, plus one re-tweet from my new friend @Jewlicious. (But if you remove the 140-character limitation, then – yeah, it’s her response, then mine, then me forwarding something.)
Anyway, I continued working, but of course that means checking both Facebook and Tweetdeck (and Atraf) every 5 seconds, and I came across a link to video posted by The Huffington Post, and it made Israel look just awful. A British Al-Jazeera reporter is giving a report from the deck of the raided flotilla boat. He mentions in his report that the flotilla was “carrying aid” when the “Israeli commandos descended upon it in International waters after surrounding it with ships from all sides” and mentions that on board the raided boat were “activists, parliamentarians, women, children and the elderly” and that “tens of people were injured, and there were still sounds of live fire despite white flag having been raised.”
I started feeling bad after watching this report. Not just – Oh, shit, this is *Bad* for Israel, but more like self-doubt, like – Oh, shit is this who we are? Are we barbarians? Am I in denial when I say the world is being unfair in its condemnation of us for what transpired? Are we really evil?
Another report I read on HuffPo had a pundit calling the incident “Israel’s Kent State” and a “massacre” and referred to those on the boat as “activists.” Head was starting to spin. Were they activists delivering aid, or terrorists attacking soldiers with metal rods? What was the truth ??
The HuffPo post was updated with video from the IDF (Israeli Defense Forces) that showed the people attacking the soldiers when they first boarded the boat. This did a lot to reassure me – both that we had not perpetrated a massacre, and that more balanced coverage was making it’s way to American media, if not Europe.
Here is close-up of the same footage I found on the IDF’s YouTube channel:
I felt even more reassured when I read my friend David Hazony’s report. David is a writer and author on religion, Judaism, Israel, and the Middle East. From his piece I learned that the flotilla had written a press release in advance about the attack and were able to send it to news media around the world as soon as the incident occured. Premeditate much? David’s piece talked about the need to win the media war via press releases and Twitter, and I popped a PR boner. This is what I do, man !!! Maybe this is the reason I am here in Israel – I’m supposed to offer my PR and communications expertise (all in mother-tongue English) to the Israeli government and IDF and help us win the media war the next time.
I fired off a tweet to Sandra Bernhard, with a link to David’s piece. Then, I went to the gym to get rid of some of this anxiety and fat. But first, here are two exchanges with friends on Facebook. But are friends I love. One is Jewish, and she thanks me for “getting the truth out.” The other is not Jewish, but he lived in Israel before and loves Israel. But after the news coverage he saw, he had decided Israel and the IDF were in the wrong here, and he was condemning the IDF raid. Can you see why this was very confusing and heartbreaking for me?
I got my gym on. As I opened my locker to shower after, I saw that Sandra Bernhard had replied to me on Twitter! I was really happy about this. Because our conversation did not devolve into argument, but remained kind; other people could be following it over Twitter and having their thoughts on the incident broadened, and Sandra and I found some common ground in the end. Plus, I was able to get my starfuck on with a performer I have always enjoyed and admired.
Cool, right? Look, I didn’t know when I’d ever be talking to Sandra again, so I could not resist telling her about how I first became a fan. It’s like when I met Debra Winger while working on the red carpet of the Gotham Independent Film Awards and got to tell her the scene in ‘Terms of Endearment’ where she says goodbye to her kids is my favorite moment of cinema ever. I still didn’t get what Sandra meant about my response being disproportinate. But whatevs. This was still a cool thing on a lot of levels for me. Headed to a cafe to work for a few hours. Logged on and saw Sandra had responded!
Then, when I get home, I found out she had asked me what I do for a living here in Israel. Wow, I thought that was really nice.
I could have asked her what she meant by that. Israel is a democracy and all 7.1 million citizens have full rights and participate in government and society (not just the 5.6 million Jews), but it was almost 4am, and time for a few hours of sleep.
It’s a couple of days later now, and I was happy to see more examples of US media coverage that I thought was fair. Like, when Vice President Joe Biden appeared on Charlie Rose and defended Israel’s actions. And then, this wonderful opinion piece by Charles Krauthammer.
Almost finished, those of you who are still with me. Saw this last night. Superbly powerful parody/commentary of the Flotilla called “We Con the World” (like the 1985 USA for Africa single, “We Are the World”). I think it’s brilliant and the creative force behind it, Caroline Glick, is my new hero. Watch:
Alright, it’s Shabbat, my dog is dying to get outside, and I’ve been writing this post for more than four hours. Time to get cleaned up and head to Hilton Beach. I just knew I had to do a long post about my reaction to this international incident, though. Because I am an Israeli, but not a native one. I’m an American, too, and most of my friends live in America. America is more supportive of Israel than any other country, and American news media coverage of Israel is more balanced than most coverage in the world, which has a very anti-Israeli slant – maybe because the world views Israel as an illegitimate country who shouldn’t really be here at all. From my unique perspective as an Oleh Chadash (new immigrant) living in Israel for less than a year and a half, I am in between worlds, in a way. I live here. But I read American news via the New York Times, and links to US news sources sent around on Twitter and Facebook. I have friends in both countries. I dunno, it occurred to me that my reaction to this event was probably not the same as the average Israeli, and I wanted to document it (for me) and share it – in case there are other Olim who can relate to parts of it.
xo
P.S. Here’s a good summary piece from NYT.
P.P.S. Footnote: that I have a friend in New York named Kevin, who works as a professional drag queen. His drag name?
Flotilla DeBarge !!
Filed under: Cool Things, Cultural Differences, Friends, Funny Hebrew, Outside TLV | Tags: Billy Eichner, Creation Nation, Hahafuch
A couple of weeks ago, my friend Leah and I rode a sherut to Jerusalem to see a sketch comedy & improv show by a new English-speaking group called Hahafuch. (Join their Facebook group!)
Cafe Afuch is a type of hot coffee drink in Israel. It means “upside down coffee,” but it’s basically just a cappuccino. So, Hahafuch is a play on words on that – like “haha funny” – get it?
Anyway, the show wasn’t held in a bar or club like we expected. It was held in the theater of an old “absorbsion center” for American Olim (place for new immigrants in Israel). Sad story. The place used to be thriving, but the owners lost everything thanks to Bernie Madoff. For realz. #sad Anyway, after the sherut, Leah and I hopped in a taxi, and we were kind of like WTF when it dropped us off on a quiet, residential street. We were on the right path, b/c we saw a Hahafuch sign, but we were like, climbing over fences and walking past abandonded buildings and whatnot. I was ready to start making Friday the 13th/Jason noises (ch-ch-ch-ch…kill-kill-kill-kill), but finally we came upon the theater, and all was normal again. We paid for tickets and entered an already packed theater, as the show had already started. My friend Debra had saved us seats.
The first act was improv. Some very funny stuff, with contributions from the audience and without a net for the performers.
Then, how much did I love the fact that two very talented women came out and did an acoustic set of Madonna’s 1999 top 20 hit (and one of my favorites), Beautiful Stranger! Honestly, this made the whole trip worthwhile on its own.
After intermission, the performances switched to sketch comedy. We liked this even better! Some *very* funny stuff! Like this sketch, “Benyamin Netanyahu’s Speech as Translated by a Struggling First-Year Ulpan Student.” Benji Lovitt played Netanyahu. Benji is part of this social media savvy Israeli crowd of mostly Olim I’m getting to know on Twitter. Benji was the straight guy in this sketch, doing a really authentic and kinda angry/passionate Netanyahu. The student would translate a few sentences right, and then botch something to comedic effect. (Like you can imagine Netanyahu was talking about keeping Jerusalem our undividied capital, and the student would say something obviously wrong, like, “So we can have more onions!” Then, Bibi would give him an awesome stink-eye, and yell the word in Hebrew again, and the poor student would repeat it incorrectly again, making it worse (“Onions!”)
#guessyouhadtobethere
Another sketch I really enjoyed was one called “Aliyahonics Anonymous.” It was a bunch of Olim like me bitching about the often incredulous and rude behavior from native Israelis directed at immigrants.
Here’s a shot from a “Weekend Update” style segment, complete w/ video still shots on a screen for added effect.
Here’s two funny videos the group prepared in advance to add to the show as multi-media elements. This first one’s a travel commercial spoof about taking a trip to the “real” Israel, where Israelis try and make tourists look like “friars” (suckers).
This one’s sort of a “man on the street” style news package segment, making fun of Israeli’s without their consent, in the style of old school Letterman, or Billy Eichner’s Creation Nation.
[Damn, sidebar! Billy Eichner is just so damn funny !!]
Anyway, so is Hahafuch, and I will be going back to their next show – and trying to get my friend Anna Becker Barkin to audition for them!
So, as I was winding down my 12-day cleanse, I had tea one night w/ my friend Matan. Besides being a fascinating and brilliant soldier, Matan is also a vegetarian. And now, so am I.
Boy talks a good game, what can I say? Look, besides to lose weight, the whole point of my MC was to reboot my relationship w/ food. I wanted a clean break and “do-over” from my behavior of using cookies, cake, and ice cream to escape feelings of anxiety and/or lonliness. So, I knew I wanted to eat better. I didn’t plan on that meaning cutting out chicken and fish (I already didn’t eat very much red meat). But I did know I didn’t eat enough fruits and vegetables.
But, if you take away the meats, and fruits & veggies are one of the only things left you can eat, then you will probably eat more of them or die. (Welcome to my mind.)
Anyway, when the student is ready the teacher appears. So, I bookmarked a few sites, including this one which had a lists of 20 ingredients for 20 vegetarian meals and also 20 pantry staples for every vegetarian. And I went back to the Shuk, the supermarket and the dollar store, and spent a fortune. (Another part of my twisted thinking: if I spend a bunch of money on something, I am going to commit to it. Way to make my cheapness work for me!) I bought kilos of peppers, onions, potatoes, tomatoes and other veggies. I bought grams of crushed red pepper, thyme, dill, spicy curry, ginger and other spices. I bought bowls, spice jars, rubber spoons, and a big ole’ toaster oven (also a printer/scanner, but that was totally unrelated). You see, I wasn’t just jumping into vegetarianism, but also cooking, which I don’t didn’t do. Double whammy. Very Scotty behavior.
Anyway, so far so good. G-Fish is *not* morphing into a food blog, but here’s a step-by step pictorial of my first few dishes.
Veggie, cheese omelete – omelets are one thing I have alwasy cooked. But I usually just lathered a little salsa and black & crushed red pepper in there. This time I used the veggies in the top picture. Guess what, with only two eggs, that is *way* too much veggies to be able to close and make an omelet. So, voila! Make that scrambled-eggs-somethere-in-there-buried-underneath-mountains-of-vegetables!
Take it from me - do *not* rub your eyes after handling a raw jalepeno pepper!
בתאבון!
Is corn flour the same thing as corn starch?
OMG, just like Rachel Ray, right?
Egg timer is cute
Evil Petey dreams of new things of mine to destroy. Actually, cute how he likes to be near me all the time.
Finished product! (Guess I should have rice or couscous w/ it, but gimme a break, m'kay?)
Tasted even better cold!
But seriously, peeps – your recipes are welcome. I’ve made a few other dishes since then…and they all look the same. Basically: chopped peppers. I need to bring in pasta and all this other stuff. I’m going to see a nutritionist for free under Israel’s national health insurance plan. And I’m eating lots of cottage cheese and almonds for protein, so don’t worry.
xo
It was one of those “In Case of Emergency, Break Glass” maneuvers. When my weight gets to a certain point, it feels like every “sensible meal,” every 5- mile jog – just has no effect. I know of course it does, but my fat rolls try and convince me otherwise.
So, I go on a colon cleanse Beyonce’s diet I starve myself the Master Cleanse. Intended as a detox for your colon and intestines, but with strong weight loss properties, the Master Cleanse – while controversial – is safe to do between 10-30 days. I’m cool with it despite all the Haters, b/c my doctor from New York gave me her blessing, and I have done it successfully three times before (10 days twice, 7 days once).
Anyway, with summer arriving, and me topping out at 183 pounds, it was time for the MC again. I loaded up on 50 lemons and 200 grams of cayenne pepper at the Shuk and found Israel’s only connection to importing Grade B maple syrup. (Grade A, while it might sound better, is actually more refined. Believe me, if all you’re “eating” is maple syrup, you want the less refined kind with more nutrients). Yeah, I found this guy who owns a health food store and – with one phone call, made a case of Grade B show up the next day, so I bought the entire case.
Click the MC link above for all the deets (or Google “Master Cleanse,” “master cleanse lemonade recipe,” or some other variant), b/c I don’t want to explain it all, but in a nutshell:
- You make a lemonade of 10-12 oz filtered water, 2 tbsp fresh squeezed lemon juice, 1/8 tsp cayenne pepper. Drink 8-12 glasses of it a day, whenever you feel hungry. (But really you can drink as much as you want)
2. In the mornings, mix a quart of warm water with 2 tsp of sea salt and drink it down. (Nasty!) Called “brackish water,” it’s not salty enough to make you vomit, but it is salty enough that your body fast-tracks it through you system, and you “poop soup” 30 minutes after drinking it, for about four rounds on the John. (Don’t make plans or leave the house for the next 90 minutes.) Also called “top down enema,” this is what flushes the toxins out of your body that you have dislodged from your intestines by drinking the lemonade.
Anyway, that’s it. I went for 12 days this time and lost 17 pounds! It’s a week later, and I’m holding steady at 170 pounds, a net loss of 12 pounds. Perfectly happy with this.
Gefilte Fish Out of Water 
