Gefilte Fish Out of Water

Delusions of Grandeur !
October 11, 2009, 9:52 am
Filed under: Feelings, Identity, Infrastructure, Published Columns, Struggles, Work

delusions of grandeur

So, while I was in America, I talked a lot of shiz about what my plans are.  And this is OK, b/c I’m a big believer in The Secret, and you know if you want a certain future to come true for yourself, it helps to talk about it and visualize it and feel gratitude for it (before it happens) as if it already has happened.

Now that I have my mornings free, b/c I’m finished with kita alef at Ulpan, I am beginning to write a couple of hours most days.  What am I writing?  The story of how I made Aliyah in a span of five minutes.  Augusten Burroughs and David Sedaris are my role models.  I’ve gotten a lot of encouragement from people enjoying my blog and columns, and I think I can tell this story in an engaging and funny manner as a memoir that people will want to buy and read.

And it will become the first of more memoirs I’ll write, b/c Lord knows I have already lived a bit of dramz in my years.  And, then I’ll become rich and famous and buy apartments in New York and Tel Aviv and live in both places.  So, in a sense, I’m kind of using Israel right now for material.  (Thanks, Izzy!)

And it really is OK that I’m dreaming big this way, b/c this is how it works.

I even got a meeting with my old boss Rick Frishman, who encouraged me to buy the web domains,, and (some bitch already has – can you believe it?  It’s OK, gfish… is easier to spell.)  Rick said he would be happy to connect me to some literary agents when I was ready.  Later that week I had the good fortune to randomly meet a very handsome literary agent from the Friedrich Agency, who offered to take a look at this blog.  Big yays all around!

So, I’ve talked a lot of shiz…and now it’s me and the keyboard, and it’s time for my book to write itself for me to do the work.  And you know what?  That is OK, too.  Liat, liat (slowly, slowly).  Next right action.  Just keep writing.  And what works best for me is to begin by not editing myself and just setting the timer and writing for two hours without stopping.  I can go back later and edit, and delete, and add, and play with.  That is how I write my columns, and it produces better results that if I go at a snail’s pace, trying to make the first draft Gold.

There’s fear, too.  Will my editor at iGoogledIsrael let my columns morph into something more personal, or do they have to stay “Oleh Chadash” focused?  I need to learn how big my audience is over there; if enough people are reading me b/c it’s me, then it’d be OK to unchain myself.  Because Oleh Chadash Topics of the Week are getting harder to come by.  Is it ever smarter to say goodbye to a nonpaying gig when it’s run its course (LOST did it), or is that crazytalk, and I need to keep that exposure going at all costs?

Anyway, welcome to my doubt.


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