Gefilte Fish Out of Water

Cracked Out JC Penney Dad
June 10, 2009, 5:06 pm
Filed under: Identity, Pot Luck, School


WTF am I wearing in this photo ??

(Um, it’s called Monday’s outfit.)

I remember it was so hard deciding which clothes to take to Israel and which to leave behind.  With very little room in 3 suitcases, most stuff had to go into storage.  But I tried to get as much spring and summer dressy stuff (blazers, slacks, button-downs) in my bags as I could fit.  Honestly, my boss told me, all you’re ever wear is tank tops, shorts and flip flops anyway.  

shorts 1What about interviews?  Or, dinners in fancy restaurants?  And in the winter here, it’s about 60 degrees Fahrenheit in the daytime and 50 at night.  Hello, leather jackets?  Hoodies and cool sweaters, anybody?  Let’s not start on shoes.

Guess what?  Boss is totally right.  Now that it’s gotten hot (and Israelis still laugh at you when you think THIS is their summer), all I ever wear are tank tops, shorts and flip flops.  “Dressing up” is, like, a T-shirt.  Now, there are peeps walking around in more stylin’ outfits.  Mainly the chicks – lotta legging action going on, but also cute tops and even cropped jackets, yada yada.  The guys though…still nothing fancier than jeans.  But I’m in 5 hours of intensive language school at 8:15 a.m., and my work afterwards is for a nonprofit with a staff of three.  Style just isn’t mandatory right now.

Anyway.  I was already bored of my shorts rotation, so I started working in the JC Penney-cheesy-WASPy-slacks-ish230R_KHAKIno-one-ever-wears-them-in-real life dress shorts.  You know what I’m talking about – the ones that only exist in the pages of the JC Penney or Sears catalogue, where three generations of handsome waspy men & boys (a 5-yr-old, a youngish hot dad, and a prematurely gray handsome gramps) are all posing and smiling at each other, outdoors on a lawn (maybe a picnic setting?)  [Sidenote: I tried to find examples of these cheesy staples online and couldn’t find them anywhere!  Who knew one day I’d miss that crap?]

Anyway, my dress shorts are GAP.  And the only reason I even bought them was because they were totally on sale, and I was like, “Oh, right – these are perfect to wear once a year to the Father’s Day BBQ at my Aunt Paula & Uncle Ronnie’s house.”  Or, maybe if I got invited to a polo match.

342R_TAUPEThey’re not right with flips, so I paired them with beaten-up docksides; and I have been sometimes wearing them with the obligatory polo shirt.  But it’s too hot now, so I wore them with a free, souvenier New York Road Runners club tank top.

The result?  Why, clearly it’s that old archtype: Cracked Out JC Penney Dad.

Excuse me, can you tell me where the line for the Worst Dressed List begins?

Excuse me, can you tell me where the line for the Worst Dressed List begins?

This is what I wore to SCHOOL !!   What’s even sadder is that no one even blinked.  Half the olim had just rolled out of bed.  At least I showered.


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