Gefilte Fish Out of Water

I’m the asshole.
May 21, 2009, 11:07 am
Filed under: Struggles


Skipped school this morning.  I bet everybody else did, too.  Today is Jerusalem Day, which celebrates the reunification of Jerusalem and the establishment of Israeli control over the Old City it captured in the Six Day War.  Dina told us we’d have a substitute, because she would be in Jerusalem.  I knew we wouldn’t be learning anything new, just reviewing old stuff – so, I said goodbye to my perfect attendance record and slept in.

Went to the Super Baba (that’s the name of the supermarket on my street) to get some granola.  On the way back up the stairs to my apartment, I passed two old biddies who were saying hello to one another, having run into each other going different directions on the stairs.

One of them – who looked uncannily like Bewtiched’s “Aunt Clara” (except with comically bad, drawn in eyebrows) – broke out of their conversation to say to me as I passed (in Hebrew, but when I said “Do you speak English?” in Hebrew, she changed over to to English), do you live in apartment 10?  When, I said yes, she sweetly reprimanded me for last week’s late night hammering.  I tried to explain that I go to school in the morning and work until late at night and that this was the only time I had to put the furniture together.  And I said, “and it was only one night for just five minutes.”  She remained sweet, but firmly countered with, “No, it was more like a half hour and it was night after night.”

I had a choice: play hardball and tell her to suck an egg or put my tail between my legs.  Fortunately, my head was on straight.  I am new in this building and these are all my neighbors.  Do I really wanna be “the dick in apartment 10”?  When she finished with, “Please, keep it to the daytime,” I gave her a noncommittal, “I’ll do my best.”   But the tone from both of us was kind, and – bitch looks just like Aunt Clara! – she won me over.  My late grandmother Mom Mom Thelma also reminded me of Aunt Clara, so that was probably in play, too.

Not beating myself up over the original hammering.  It actually was TWO consecutive nights.  The second night was the incident I described before, with the berserk guy banging on my door and screaming from outside my window.  But the night before I also hammered, and for longer.  I didn’t have a hammer that night, so I used a wrench, which made it noisy and did take about 20 minutes.  So, maybe this is why Clara was able to say “night after night.”  What’s done is done.  I’m not gonna write apology notes and slip them under everyone else’s doors.  I’m just gonna be extra sensitive to the other tenants now and not build furniture at night anymore.

Instead, I’m just gonna ruin all their Shabbats at 8am Saturday – KIDDING!


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[…] even a split second later, Aunt Clara appears on the landing below me, on her way up to that apartment.  You’ll recall that she […]

Pingback by Me + Clara r BFFs now. « Gefilte Fish Out of Water

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