Gefilte Fish Out of Water

“Shabbat Shalom, can I use your can?” (‘thon Dispatch # 3)
April 25, 2009, 2:24 pm
Filed under: Exploits


Great.  Stomach problems over with, and now I can concentrate on the race…..except they weren’t and then I couldn’t.

Around 11KM into the race, I realized I had to go again.  Damn, Stomach, rly?  Briefly considered hiding in shrubs near Dov Airport, but decide against it.  All I need is for some Israeli Security shiz to ambush me and take me in for questioning.  But we’re in Ramat Aviv now – the northernmost part of Tel Aviv – and it’s all luxury high rises, like Miami Beach or something.  There’s nothing commercial; zero stores I could use.

Finally, with no choice, I cross the island in the middle of the boulevard and go up to one of the high rises.  Will it be open?  Whew, it is.  Don’t see a lobby bathroom, so I get into the elevator and take it to the 3rd floor.”  Four apartments to choose from.  One of them has some Hamsa good luck charms, so I make that poor guy the lucky winner and ring his bell.  No answer immediately, so I ring it again.

A late 40’s guy answers.  “Slicha,” (sorry)” I say, then (in English), “I’m running the marathon passing by your house, and I really need to use the bathroom.  There’s nothing around, can I please use yours?”  He takes a forever 4-second pause, and finally says, “Yeah, sure.”  He’s got a very nicely decorated place, but I decide not to make comment.

Go into the bathroom and proceed to poop soup use it really quickly.  Thank him 4.8 billion times and head for the door.  He gets curious and asks me, “From where are you?” before I’m outside.  I answer, “From New York, home of the world’s biggest network of Starubucks public restrooms,” except I leave out that last part.

Finally, my stomach issues really are over for the rest of the race.


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[…] best example of this came around the 14km mark, a few km after I had used that guy’s can in the luxury high rise.  There was a whole school of young children out cheering w/ their […]

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