As I was jogging Tuesday evening, it happened for the first time.
I had the thought, “Hmm, maybe I’ll just go back.” (pause for Mom to stop doing The Happy Dance.)
Next I thought maybe moving to Israel was a too drastic response to deal with being laid off and the shit economy in the U.S. And I wondered how I was ever going to find as great friends here as I have in New York – friends just like me (gay & sober) whose experience of life is very similar to mine, and of course my priceless friends from childhood can never be replicated. Plus, there’s the whole language barrier thing. Won’t it just be impossible?
That’s not very staying-in-the-day, Scott.
Anyway, I shared this with new friends over coffee last night and then with my brother over Skype. Everyone thought it was normal to have these thoughts around now, and I agree. The friends encouraged me to let myself have them (not make it “wrong” to have them), but not to hold onto them either; just let them go. And my brother agreed, and added, “After more time has gone by, if you’re either really unhappy or the thought to come home grows so big and so loud as to be unignorable, then you will know it’s time time to come back.” He is so right (thanks, Adam!) And that is not where I’m at now. I am not unhappy, nor is the thought to go back rock solid in my bones. It was just a normal, healthy thought, considering the extreme turns my life has taken recently.
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