Filed under: Feelings
Last night didn’t go as I’d hoped. I set out to Yuval’s apartment, where I’d been invited to a party with the same crowd I hung with earlier. I did a modest costume change, picked up a modest bag of chips to offer as a gift and walked over. There was a live singer playing at a cafe on their corner. I stopped to listen a bit.
When I knocked on Yuval’s door, no one was home. I was bummed. It was no one’s fault; we never agreed upon a certain time. I think by the time I got there (11pm), they had already gone out. I went back to the cafe and listened to the live performer, then back to Yuval’s to knock again. I did this a few times.
Finally I realized it wasn’t gonna happen. What should I do now? Should I take a mini-cab (sort of like group taxis) over to a gay bar I’ve been to before? I decided not to. My friend from NY, Allan, had introduced me to a guy named Arnie here, who goes every Saturday morning with a group to English speaking Shabbat services, and my arm was twisted to go there for the ex-pat networking. So, I figured I’d just go home. I left Avi a voicemail from a pay phone telling him I had stopped by Yuval’s.
Avi had told me about a type of free program called an “I.P. shield” that hides where your computer is based and makes it look like you are in the U.S. This could really help me watch LOST and 24 online, so I downloaded one. (Avi also told me LOST is on cable in Israel; same season/episode as U.S., just 3 days later. Yay!!!) But I couldn’t get it to work.
So I was bummed. I didn’t get to socialize in the evening, and I couldn’t watch the show I wanted. It was Friday, the weekend before Purim, and people were out at parties, some of them in costume. I was feeling sad and lonely. NOT regretting my decision to come live here. And just BEING here feels good. The air, the sounds of Hebrew being spoken, all of it. And I need to be gentle with myself and accept that I ONLY JUST GOT HERE. I’m not even here a week. Settling down WILL TAKE TIME. From making friends to getting my PC set up so I can watch the U.S. pop culture I want and more – it will all happen in time. I am right were I’m supposed to be. So I didn’t make myself wrong for feeling sad & lonely; I just let myself feel it and knew it would pass. I read peeps’ status updates on Facebook, which I haven’t had time to do all week; responded to them and got some comments back. Felt good. Also, caught up on Perez Hilton (Rihanna went and MARRIED Chris Brown – WTF???) and the latest shitty news about unemployment from the New York Times. And ate the whole bag of (delicious, BTW) tomato-y, doritos-like chips.
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